What the hell is up with mornings? Am I just a crazy person or is this an ADHD thing? My husband is useless in the morning. Absolutely useless. We are good most of the rest of the day... but mornings are awful. We have a two year old that needs to get ready in the morning and needs to be dressed, fed, and attended to. We have a cat that is annoying as hell until she gets fed. And I swear to God, I am the only one who ever gets up. He just lays there. And if I am sick and can't get up (like this weekend) God forbid our daughter wakes up before he is ready. He gets mad at her and makes her go back to bed... even though its the time we have to wake up the rest of the week anyway. I get so angry with him when he does this. To me, as a parent, when your kid wakes up - you have to get up. You just have to. Its part of the job. So then we have our daily "why won't you get up?" fight where he says he is getting up... while lying in bed... with his eyes closed. He finally puts his robe on (which he will live in if there isn't something forcing him to get dressed, like school or something involving leaving the house) and then gets the computer on the couch and starts watching cartoons. Still not paying attention to our daughter. So, while I am scrambling to get ready for work. He is, grudgingly, sitting on the couch... not doing anything. I am just ready to lose it with this morning situation. It always leads to fights and the magnitude of the fight sets the tone for the day. I have to beg him to watch our daughter and feed the cat. And rather than feed the cat he just yells at her like thats somehow going to make her stop yowling. The only thing that makes the cat stop is feeding her. And because he also has the lovely oppositional defiance disorder bullshit I get 100% combatted, regardless of whether he intends to do something or not. I am at the point where I don't even like bringing things up anymore. I would rather just take care of everything than deal with the verbal combatives training. These things are all annoying with out ADHD, so dealing with him yelling or whining about me telling him to help in the morning is just one more layer of frustration.
Its the one thing I can't find a million websites with helpful advice. No one seems to be talking about this rocky morning situation. Is it seriously too much to ask that he get up with our daughter? I find it particularly frustrating with our daughter because on top of all of this, she has begun STRONGLY preferring me. She pulls on my shirt. Cries when I leave. Cries if I don't put her to bed. She only ever wants to ride in my car anymore. She only comes to my side of the bed in the morning. She crawls in bed in the middle of the night when I am sleeping sometimes. All of which end up making me exhausted when I then have to wake up and take care of her and then go to work. His knee jerk anger with the situation frightens me too. He gets SO angry when she is crying and awake when he is tired. He doesn't do anything but yell or get plain frustrated but it bothers me immensely. And I know that toddlers just have a tendency to favor their mothers, so there's not much for that... but I just want the mornings to be better.
Its the first thing we talked about with his counselor when he started therapy and it still hasn't been resolved. It sucks too because one of the ideas the counselor had was to have a 'kicker' of meds at night that were lower dose and quicker acting. And of course that was when that particular drug faced a national shortage. So we still haven't been able to try that strategy. I will say also, that it was better when we were carpooling. But we aren't going to be carpooling every day. So we still need strategies so my weekend isn't used up taking care of our house because he thinks he is the only one entitled to sleep in. (And yes, I know thats not how he is thinking of it... its just how it feels to me.)
Anyway, any help or suggestions would be much appreciated.