like most others I have read

My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6.  We have 2 amazing kids (6yr old son and 4yr old daughter). There was signs for ADHD before we were married - in hindsight it was obvious - but I didn't even know what it was.  We just made a great team.  I easily picked up the things he would drop the ball on - very naturally and he kept me from being so serious, it was like he helped to take the weight of the world off my shoulders.  I could see us working so well in a marriage. He was so cute and artistic and dopey - I adored him.  We got engaged and a few months later I found out I was pregnant.  We had decided to get married across the country in Yosemite CA already and I didn't want a shot gun wedding (I was 29, successful and was fine with having a baby before the wedding)  so wedding plans stayed as they were and we also prepared for our son. Quentin was born and two months later we were married.  I took an extended leave from my job as a manager for a bank for a total of 4 months off.  I had thought that I would have my son and put him in daycare and we'd continue on with life but when the time came I struggled.  My husbands company was not successful and the economy was starting to crumble.  With my commute, I was away from my husband and son from 6 in the morning until 7 at night.  I was paying $1600 a month in daycare - more then my husband made in a month so I stared talking to him about becoming a stay at home dad.  I just wanted our child to be raised by us.  I was making a wonderful salary, great benefits and bonuses.  He wouldn't do it.  He wanted to be "the provider" even though there was no way he could do it.  We ended up buying a house closer to my family - about 4 hours from where we were.  My uncle hooked him up with a job not making great $ but it was a start and my husband is a very talented carpenter so we figured side work was an option.  I transferred within the company and took a lesser position and worked part time until I found out I was pregnant with #2 and Mike finally got health benefits. Things started to get really bad.  My husbands focus was so far away.  I would cry and beg him to help me.  I started to think he was passive aggressive. He even forgot my birthday. He'd always tell me if I spoke nicer then he wouldn't get so mad at me or ignore my requests but I had already seen that when I asked him to do something I had to be very clear.  He didn't seem to get what I needed.  I would tell him I need A, B and C - and he would start jumping through hoops to give me D, E and F and then get mad at me when I got frustrated.  My son was only one at this point, we hadn't even been married for a year.  I had my daughter and things just got worse.  He wouldn't follow through on anything. Money was so tight.  My husband kept insisting he'd get side work - he was insistent that I didn't go back to work because I was looking for something opposite his schedule to avoid babysitters or daycare which at this point we really couldn't afford.  My parents started buying me gift cards for gas and food - they were giving me $600 a month and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I finally just took matters into my own hands and got an evening job, regardless of what he wanted.  I was so lonely and tired. I had a 2 and 3 year old at this time, I did all the house work and my husband was non existent to me.  He was like a 3rd child just sucking the energy from me.  A third child with the ability to make financial decisions.  I also found out I had an autoimmune disorder called hashimoto's thyroid which is pretty much an underactive thyroid. It was like he didn't care.  Everything was because I didn't speak nice enough or I wasn't cutting our budget smaller - I was seriously spending $75 a week on food to feed our family of 4 and that included diapers.  I was begging him to do marriage counseling and I had started going to a therapist myself because even though my family could see it - I didn't want to talk  about it with them.  I was sick of it and knowing that I had the ability to financially support myself and the kids I set out a plan to leave.  Well when my feet were out the door he begged me not to go - he agreed to go to a marriage counselor.  He was then diagnosed with ADHD and it felt like a slap in my face - like everything I had been put through now had an excuse.  He started medication and didn't like the way it made him feel so he stopped it.  I started reading on ADHD and with the help of my therapist started to understand it. We stopped going to marriage counseling amd we were slowly putting our marriage back together and then suddenly he decided he wanted to be a tattoo artist.  Knowing that he is unhappy at work, I researched options for him - our kids were getting older and I knew that when my daughter was going to go into kindergarten I would return to a professional career. There was a tattoo school in our area.  It was out of our price range but with careful planning I thought we'd be able to swing it within a year or so.  Nope not for my husband - he insisted on doing it now.  He talked to his dad and told me his father was paying for it and took two weeks off of work (please remember he works for my uncle).  Well his father generously paid $1000 of the tuition and he took out a $2000 loan without talking to me about it.  When I did find out about it I was upset - especially because we were still in the negative each month. I was apparently being unsupportive.  He did his two weeks of classes and really excelled.  He is a super talented artist and I knew he would.  I had to sit him down and explain to him that he was not, under any circumstances, to quit his day job.  I have to talk to him like that so he doesn't misunderstand what my meaning is.  When the Affordable Health Care Act came into play the company he worked for took it as an opportunity to change our health care and put me on a Working spouse plan which had a super high deductible.  I suddenly could no longer afford my thyroid medication.  We were still living so paycheck to paycheck.  I made a decision to go back into banking and was able to get an entry level position with a great credit union. Knowing myself I am confident that I will move up quickly, but I also knew on top of my new full time day job I would still need to work a few days at my job at the restaurant to make up for the kids after care cost at school that we never had to worry about before. At this point though I was off of my thyroid meds for 3 months, but within a month of having the job I would have the best health benefits for our family and we could start getting back on track again.  I started my job on March 10th of this past year.  My son is in Kindergarten and my daughter is in nursery school full time.  On March 13th, my husband came home and told me he accepted a 5 night a week tattoo apprenticeship.  He was going to keep his day job and work opposite my schedule.  I explained to him our finances - I wrote it out - I explained to him I was exhausted having been without my thyroid medication for 3 months and I wouldn't have them until our new health insurance kicked in in April.  I reminded him of my grandmothers recent diagnoses of terminal lung cancer.  I reminded him I still need to work a part time job and was hoping to serve tables on Friday nights and bartend Saturday nights at the restaurant so I didn't have to work 7 days a week.  I told him I couldn't physically work 7 days a week, I explained to him that I was really depressed... and he told me he had to do this unpaid apprenticeship and that it was imperative that he was there on Friday and Saturday nights.  That once he started tattooing he could quit his day job and we'd make so much money.  I, again was being unsupportive.  It's now June and I have been working 7 days a week and we are just barely getting by.  I have explained to him that everyday more resentment fills my heart.  I told him that he need to see a therapist.  I tried to explain to him more about the ADHD which just makes him angry.  I have been seeing my therapist this whole time.  I am trying not to be depressed.  I have to focus to not yell at my kids when I am tired, which is always.  Thank God I have usable health benefits now and am back on my thyroid medication. If I function through my day without being mean to him he thinks everything is ok and actually tries to get romantic, only to get angry when I turn him down or ignore him.  I can't be any more direct then I have been with him.  I also can't live the rest of my life trying to play catch up to whatever his whim may be.  I don't understand why he won't talk to someone.  I don't understand why he isn't more curious about ADHD. I have gotten to a point where I think I hate him.  I hate him for me wanting to leave him and break up our family.  He is a great dad.  Why can't he just meet me even a third of the way.  I am so tired of it all.  My poor children - I love them so much and I don't think they will understand.  I will look like the cruel one if I leave.  Why doesn't he care that I want to leave?  I can't believe this is my life right now.  Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read my vent and I am sorry for the long windedness