I will try to keep this simple. I'm too exhausted to write much. How do I withstand the constant barrage of ideas and brainstorms, and all of the relentless negotiation he pursues with me to try to get me to agree that it, (whatever "it" might be) is a great idea, and i should be on board.
Eg. (1 of 10's or 100's in a week) Should I just patronize him after 30 minutes of hearing the benefits of an $800 microwave we won't buy in 5 years when we redo our kitchen? I feel like I have to say, "sure honey, sounds fabulous." instead of "not interested" or "maybe we could talk about this later, or when it's more relevant to our immediate plans...we need to get DJ ready for daycare and both of us ready for work right now." The latter, more honest statement, incurs the "teenager as salesman" behavior until we are running late and my irritation feels like my blood boiling. I try so hard to get him to just drop it, then sometimes I lose it say something like "leave me alone!" or worse.
He likes to talk, huh? I like
Submitted by Clarity on
He likes to talk, huh? I like a low key quiet morning alone with my thoughts to prepare for the day, he's got to talk and talk about nothing. Sometimes I tell him in my nice voice, "I'm very sorry but, I can't discuss this with you right now, I'm busy with something else, let's talk about it later ." If he persists, I'll kindly remind him that I can get with him about it later or remind him, "Honey, I have to go now." Hopefully, he'll stop and soon forget about it. If he must keep talking, I do my best to ignore him and mumble an occasional uhhuh, yeah, uhhuh. It's frustrating that he won't respect my request but it is actually, one of the smaller battles around here. Thankfully, our schedules have been different enough to keep us apart and it doesn't happen every day which would require a serious strategy.
I don't know if that's helpful but, just my thoughts and how I deal with it. (:
talking too much
Submitted by brendab on
I am still processing the breakup with an ADD man. This comment about incessantly talking was the straw that broke the camel's back. I loved it when I first met him and he'd talk to me, but over the course of a year I noticed that he could not stand silence for very long. When we would have a different opinion on an issue he saw it as a challenge to change the way I looked at the issue. I read a lot of self help books and am not afraid to change my perspective, but I need good arguments and time to reflect by myself if I am going to change the way I perceive my world.
But his style was to talk to the point that I began to feel he was a verbal bully, not abusive, just relentless. Sometimes I would think that I was dealing with a small child who was determined to get his way by wearing me down until I capitulated. He seemed to need to have a woman who would think just like him so that he could feel safe and in control. When I would show any frustration or emotional disagreement he'd get very fearful and shut down. Our last conversation was his attempt to convince me that I should break ties with my brother because of his lifestyle. Many years ago I chose to unconditionally love my brother and I am not going to change that decision for anyone. After listening to him rant on and on, I felt bullied and decided to shut down and ignore him. The silence was too much for him. It really bothers him when I take control and refuse to engage.
The next day his father had a stroke and he went home. I know that there is a wonderful person underneath the damage ADD has brought into his life and I am sad that I will never have a relationship with that wonderful person. But I am also realistic that I do not want to live the last years of my life with untreated ADD. But if he got treated and began to choose mature behavior, I'd love to be with him. Since that is not likely to happen I've moved on. It wasn't a wasted year beig with him because I learned that some behavior that appear one way on the outside to the casual observer is much more complicated than we realize. It has changed me as a person to look deeply into the hearts of people more than I would have otherwise and that is a good thing.
Brenda
Hyperfocus
Submitted by ladyflower10 on
Obviously your hubby gets an idea stuck in his head and hyperfocuses on it. My hubby would tell you I'm the exact same way. I know it drives him nuts and quite honestly I don't even know I'm doing it. Your husband is probably the same way. Next time he starts on something (like the microwave) try saying something to the effect of "Why don't you do some research, compare some models and get back to me." If he's anything like me he'll start looking some things up and then lose interest after that...moving on to his next object of hyperfocus.
i have the same sort of issue
Submitted by WaterLily420 on
my ADHD mate is obsessed with cooking classes. I have to deal with him changing to cooking channels whenever i'm watching tv, constant talk about cooking and whines about how he wants to take a cooking class. He has taken cooking classes and they always end in him coming home saying I didnt learn anything i'm never going back then a month later starting the process all over again. I truly feel for you, having to put up a fake front and all. I used to change the subject- he got irritated. I find myself just not talking ever.