A New Marriage Reckoning

I’m so grateful for finding this community. I’ve been questioning my sanity and reading these posts made me feel so much better, yet so deeply saddened. I’ve only been married to my beloved for a few months but in that blink of time my world turned upside down leaving my head spinning, chronic chest pain, and overwhelmed with anxiety. The thing is my husband is a good person with no clue that his symptoms wreak havoc on everyone he encounters. He laughs off comments from others, claiming he’s just “quirky and crazy but that’s just me and I should be accepted for who I am.” Yeah, okay. But try giving your whole heart and soul to a man that leaves you feeling duped, lonely, exhausted, and crushed. I am (was) an extremely bubbly, happy, easy-going gal that can roll with change, accept, and get along with all kinds of people. I have a reputation for being a calming influence on people. Until this. Pardon me for saying, what the hell? I don’t recognize myself anymore. I get SO frustrated I sometimes get into a state I have to shut down to regroup. He made the comment I’m “controlling”. Well he can’t leave the house without forgetting something and then has to call me over and over to remember what he’s supposed to do. So I make him a list and I’m controlling? He constantly interrupts, talks incessantly, taking any conversation off into eleventy (yes, I made that number up) different directions, without ever addressing the actual issue, and yet I’m the one with the problem. “Why can’t you just let these little things go?” He has flat out lied to me and does so often, yet I don’t think he knows he’s doing it, his perception is so skewed and memory so poor. He is the king of B.S.’ing and trying to contain my eyeroll as he goes off is torture. I’ve tried talking to him about it. You all know how that went. So once I figured out what this is, started reading about ADHD and realizing this is our reality, grief came crashing down on me and I can’t shake it. I need to turn my thinking around and get my positive attitude back. I am a (smart!) middle-aged woman that is actually an idiot that got herself in WAY over her head. After an abusive 1st husband I stayed single for over 10 years so feel like I made this choice and have to deal with it. But I'm mourning the expectations I held of our relationship. He has moments of such sweetness and I do love him dearly. He noticed that I’m not myself and asks what is wrong but can’t pay attention if I try to answer. I’m lost and feel like I will not survive this.