I suppose that I just need to accept that my husband is not going to seek any outside advice wrt his ADD. He has a short temper and tantrums like a baby when he is tired. For example, tonight he said that he was going to cook dinner. There was no paprika, which he needed for the dish he wanted to make, so with passive-aggressive tactics he let me know what a failure of a spouse I was and how I couldn't do anything right. I am home all day while he is working--- not by my choice, longer story there--- and he expects me to do all the things that he doesn't want to do. And I'm just supposed to figure out what he expects me to do because he will never sit down and have a calm conversation about who is going to do what. Sometimes we do make "deals" and if I can't keep up my end of the deal it is the end of the world and I am subjected to a poisonous tirade. However, if he doesn't keep up his end of the deal he expects me to accommodate... that is, do whatever it is that he doesn't want to do.
How much of this is due to ADD and how much is terminal immaturity, who knows. But I am tired of living with it and looking forward to getting enough money together to separate in a few years. Our daughter will be old enough to handle it, I hope, and as she matures she is increasingly understanding how unreasonable he is.
Just writing about this has really helped.