My ADHD guy is in so-o much pain

My spouse is hurting.  He is the place I want to sweep in and fix - because I really do have that power.  Bent.  Yield.  Change my mind.  

He is crying over the money we have spent on counseling over the past 29 years.

He is crying and shaking over the physical connection he has put between his deceased parents and the RV we purchased with some of the $$ he inherited when they passed.  He doesn't want to sell it - he doesn't want to share it - but he will not take the time off from work to use it, so it is slowly depreciating . . . . .and that makes it a thorn in MY side.

He is mad I made an 'executive decision' without him.  I said I wanted to lend the RV to my niece for a weekend. That is all.  When he started to complain, I said I wasn't asking for permission, I just wanted to let him know I wanted to let her use it.  This was not a 'life' decision.  It was not moving to a new state, nor buying a new house, nor spending a great amount of money.

So, now I am stuck with feeling like I am being controlled with his anger.  I am trying to stay calm.  I am trying to understand his feelings, yet not let them control me.   

It is extremely scary.  He is in a rage.  He is crying and sobbing and saying how he has no friends and doesn't want to talk to clergy because they let him down and he has no friends and he has no family - he does, but they are all angry with each other.

I listened.  He cried , "Thanks for listening."  Then went outside.

He is emotionally connected to everything we own.  It is his way or the highway.  Do I just steer clear?  Do I call someone?  

Yes, I am tired of being controlled by his anger, yet this situation has me in a panic.

Maybe it is co-dependency.  

He listens to no one.  He makes statements, and pronounces judgments, and expects everyone to all just nod and agree.  If not, we are 'against' him.

It is so hard to watch someone self-implode. 

I have said it before, I spent 29 years catering to his anger, bending, and yielding, because I feared, well I feared what is happening right now.  I feel as I pulled the rug out from under him. The one person who catered to him.  And enabled.  Sigh.  

I am so lost today.