My ADHD husband is very critical

Hi everyone,

I've been struggling for years with my husband's constant criticism. I'm wondering if it's related to his ADHD.

He insists his criticisms are just "helpful tips." When I do something "wrong," he'll correct me and tell me he just wants to show me a better way of doing it. This can be everything from how I organize the bills to how I fold laundry to how I parent our son. If I say the wrong word when we're talking, he'll correct it no matter the relevance to our conversation. If I ever make an impulse purchase, he scolds me even though he spends countless dollars on his many hobbies. It feels like he thinks I'm useless, impulsive and always doing things wrong. I've talked to him a number of times about this but it always comes down to him telling me not to be so sensitive; that this is his way of helping me.

I have talked to a counselor who characterizes his behavior as abusive and in many ways I have to agree. The outcomes are the same from my perspective. But I don't think it comes from an abusive place in him. I hope not anyway. The only reservation I have about that statement is that I believe suffers from low self-esteem due to his difficulties with ADHD. Could he be criticizing me to make himself feel better? I understand that is common among abusers.

He has many frustrating ADHD issues but I believe he is a good person and I want to be a supportive partner for him and help him overcome his issues. But my feelings are hurt on a constant basis with these criticisms. A childish part of me wants to say, "Hey, I'm doing all of this work around the house and your business, in addition to my own work, to make up for your ADHD. And you have the nerve to criticize HOW I do it?" But I am making every effort to be mature and constructive.

Have any of you experienced this? Is this a common trait amongst ADDers?

Thank you.