My ADHD wife with hoarding tendencies

When we first got married right off the bat there was a clutter problem, it was in all rooms of the house. I refer to the clutter as piles. They would develop faster than I could clean them. We would fight about them all the time. Im the type of person that needs organization in the house. I need it so I can think clearly, I know it sounds OCD but I am far from it. I just need organization in the house.

Over 8 years of marriage I have been able to gain some control of the house especially in the main living areas of the house where people walk in. There is still clutter but its easily maskable with some cleaning. When it comes to the rooms of the house its a different story. Our bedroom looks like a bomb went off. One example I can use is about 4 years ago we were robbed and they hit our bedroom. Even though it didn't really look any different than it did before they ransacked the room. About 2 years later my daughter walked into our room and said "Daddy did we get robbed again?" I knew exactly what she was talking about.

Our kids rooms are the same way, I feel its such an injustice to the kids because they can have their room the way they want it. If my kids are just as messy fine, I can deal with that, but I feel its their right to produce their own mess and not deal with my wifes. 

The garage is another story, yes I know that most garages are the storage for the house but I would love to be able to park my car in it. We can park my wifes but the other half is getting worse. It goes in cycles, we clean it then it gets bad again. I have a workout area of that side that i am trying to keep clear but as more stuff comes in I have to move the stuff to the sides and build a wall. Literally there is a wall on either side of me.

Im so sick of it that I hate her now.

Of course not only that she has others issues she has. We finally started going to a marriage counselor. He determined she was ADHD, he diagnosed her and she was rated a sever. Along with that she also has a Auditory Processing Disorder. Her father has Borderline Personality Disorder and I am detecting some of those signs as well. What does this tell me? She has a necrological issue most likely passed down from her father. Her brothers and sister also have some disorders so I can put 2 and 2 together to figure out this was passed down to them.

So far she has not started taking medication, she does not like that fact that she has to do it but she is going to try.

Here is my problem, I am sick of everything and sick of the mess. I dont even want to try anymore. What she is struggling to understand is that because of her actions for so many years it makes you feel like she has never cared about me. Why would I want to even try with someone who does not care? Yes I know now she has a disorder but Im just so far gone now.

Another issue is even now after going to marriage counseling and knowing both her and I that our marriage is pretty much over she still does not even take the steps to even show me she can start cleaning up the mess. I would think even though she is ADHD and she has a hard time focusing that with the marriage at stake she would gain an interest in cleaning up.

What I need to ask you guys is this:

  1. Is there any hope of our marriage functioning at some "normal" state
  2. Even with medication is this something I have to come to grips with that is going to be a struggle for the rest of our marriage and lives?

I need to know, I hate her so bad now that I need to see what the medication is going to to. Thats where Im at. She is worried because she feels that she is taking the medication just for me (even though the marriage counselor is telling her that she should be taking it for her and not just for me) and I cant give her a definitive answer that I am even going to stay with her even after she takes the medication. I want to see what its going to be like because the way I feel is if it does not improve, Im out.

Anyone else feeling the same way? Please talk to me people.