I joined this forum because my girlfriend has ADHD, and I’m pretty confused about aspects of our experience together. As we grew close, I have encountered a level of emotional intensity I have never experienced before. Whenever she “acts out”, she attributes it to her ADHD, and expects me to understand all her behavior for it. The problem I have…her behavior has become extremely intense, directed at me negatively, and puts me in a state of fear, worrying how I will offend her next. Whenever these explosive scenes occur, I try to explain to her how her behavior makes me feel, but this only creates more conflict and explosive anger. Well, I’m simply writing this to try to understand her behavior because I cannot tell what is due to ADHD, and beyond her conscious control, and what is due to her own choices. Here is a brief list of my experiences:
- Explosive tirades, containing expletives, towards situations whenever I "err." In one case, I picked her up from school and bought her some sushi as a snack to eat as she drove home. Then she said she was finished, and asked if I wanted what was left? I said sure…and then she threw the box at me, screaming and swearing that I was a "greedy ****".
- She picks up on very subtle physical cues, such as slight facial expressions, drumming fingers, or even breathing—as signifying something very negative about my character. It makes no sense to me, and I cannot change her mind about it.
- Giving me a gift, then accusing me of being a “parasite” and “manipulative” because I accepted it from her.
- She considers every female friend I have—which I am completely platonic with—as proof I’m cheating on her. Even momentary eye contact with any woman arouses intense feelings of jealousy in her and often, a expletive-laced tirade.
- She is very possessive of my time, and often expects hours-long conversations during the middle of the day, when I have work to do.
- She monitors everything I say, down to the minutest detail. When I say something slightly differently, she assumes I am lying, and another tirade begins.
Well, after number of these tirades, I could no longer “laugh them off”. Trying to be supportive, I would ask her how exactly I offended her, and then I expressed how I felt in the situation. Then, she became this “different person”, and started a non-stop onslaught of my character, using every personal weakness I shared in confidence as a weapon against me. Needless to say, I left her to reclaim my self-respect and peace of mind. I’m not suggesting this is typical ADHD behavior; I’m just confused, trying to understand.