I sat with anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief.
So going forward, I must stop my obsession with H. I will no longer TRY to have something that will never be with him. I was once a romantic and now must steel myself for living graciously, thankfully, confidently, and independently. To hope for and try for anything more, with H, is insanity. I accept the reality of this. Today is my birthday. I am going to buy myself lunch, take myself on an "gratitude tour"...driving around celebrating beauty, very aware that I am healthy and that health is bettered by a cheerful heart. Giving myself some happy thoughts for the day. I am getting better at this.
Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.