[Edited to remove reference to needing help being talked off the ledge]: I decided to do some inside work today and went into the basement, which I avoid because it's so dirty and cluttered. I found what might be new water damage. I'm so depressed and upset about the condition of the house, which ex took responsibility for but then neglected. Yesterday, I was cleaning out the gutters, which he said we shouldn't get replaced when we had the roof redone a few years ago. They were clogged and my hands smelled like sewage afterward. I'm worried and sad about the situation; the house is my biggest asset but if it's in as bad shape as I fear it is, I might be screwed financially. Thank you in advance for suggestions or support.
I originally asked for help talking myself off the ledge. I've done okay today, probably because I didn't go back into the basement and did other work inside and outside the house. But I will say that the combination of years of "I can do it myself!" (ex-H), my desire to avoid micromanaging and "parenting" my ex, and long-term unemployment (ex-H) leading to long-term financial problems (entire family) has had a very negative effect on the condition of my house.