My husbands anger and ADD

So I'm new to all of this, my husband was diagonis with ADD about 4 years ago. We've been married for two years and it seems just to be getting worse. Kinda like a roller-coster. One minute he's happy and telling me how much he loves me and our son and the next he is wanting a divorce because he is convinced he doesnt make me happy! Ive tried to understand where he is coming from and trying to talk to him but he is always on the defense. He wont help me around the house but there are times when I ask him and he is fine. I dont understand how to talk to him about things that are important without him shutting down on me. We are currently going through a bankruptcy because he can't pay bills on time and has out of control spending habits. Can someone please help me understand what I can do, because Im exhausted and it feels like Im the only one in my marriage when he gets at his low points. I just got him to agree to see someone but its like pulling teeth.

Don't give up

I totally understand what you are saying. ADD/ADHD is complicated and the tendencies that come with it are even more so. I am one of the lucky ones being diagnosed 23 years ago. I have had all this time to learn about the disorder and how I deal with it. The self esteem thing is something that has been hard for me my whole life.  ITs been a hard spot for my husband adn I in our marriage. I am so lucky God has brought me a guy who LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT!!! If he wasn't the guy he is he wouuld have left me a LONG time ago. He has stuck with me through the many times I call myself stupid for making a little mistake. ( once I forgotto use a coupon and had a major meltdown about it. It ended with me accidently making the doorknnob on our bedroom door go through the wall.) I also have trouble when I plan things and they don't go exactly as planned. I will totally freak out usually ending up in tears again saying how I am stupid adn mess everything up. Again he is understanding and loving helping me work through it. If it wasn't for him, I would toatlly be a depressed mess.

  I am telling you all this to encourage you not to give up on him. A MAJOR ELP for me adn my marriage has been working with a counselor.  I was actually seeinng her before I met my husband and when he found out about it he volunteered to go with me if I wanted. She has been great in helping us learn how to communicate with each other and truly listen to each other.  She has truly helped us through major things.  Sometimes I see her alone adn work on personal issues as well. Mostly its learning dealing mechinisms to help both my husband adn myslef work through some of my ADHD tendencies. 

I encourage you to find someone who works with peole with ADHD due to how complicated it can be. I started seeing someone as soon as I was diagnosed at age 8. I learned a lot of things I can do to help manage my ADHD. My mom also met with him, to leran how to help me deal/live with my ADHD. 

I can also say he might try different medications.All medications work different for different people. He might need to try different ones adn different doses.  I know the new medication I am on is great.  I just realized while answering you that since I have been on it I have not had those feelinngs of being "stupid" or "messing things up"  I have been on and off a few different meds my whle life and this is the BEST for me. 

About the fininacial thing. Riht now I am the only one makinng $ b/c my husband is in school. I HATE dealing with $ b/c it stresses me out. I let my husband do ALL THE BILL PAYING. He just lets me know what he paid adn when so I can keep up with it in my checkbook. ( when I used to do my own bills many times they were late)  Maybe you can work something out about bills and $ where you both sit down and make a budget. I know for me I am VISUAL. I have to see things written down b4 I truly understand.  All I do know is that somw of teh $ thing might be due to ADHD. We tend to put off things that stres us out. The thinking being the "if I don't see it or deal with it, it doesn't exist." Therefore no problem/bill= no stress. Unfortunatly the problem/bill is still there even if we don't acknowledge it. ( this is just my experience, might not be true for your hubby)

Right now you are doing the best thing by standing by him and encouraging him. Just please try to stay strong until you can get someone to talk to.  As the spouse you havethe hardest job, having to take all the "stuff" we through out due to the ADHD. Thankyou so much for being will like my husband to reach out and ask for help. THe world needsmore people like you and my husband. Thank you!

PS I hope this does not sound too mixed up b/c my ADHD makes me have trouble with words sometimes.