Submitted by bilf on 08/15/2012.
So his check for the bills bounced.
When confronted he started spouting all this unrelated stuff at me.
It was everything n the kitchen sink.
He started screaming I didn't pay bills on time. Ummm.... would love to, but it's related to the situation at hand.
I can't take much more of this.
I am so worried about the effect on our kids, etc.
We nearly lost our house, plus he nearly lost his job over his gambling in December.
I'm pretty sure it's happening all over again.
Why he can't self evaluate I'll never know.
bilf, Your right. You'll
Submitted by harmony on
bilf,
Your right. You'll never know why he can't evaluate himself--never! And that's not your problem it's his. It's time for him to step it up! But you can't make him step it up. If you feel that your survival is at stake because of the lack of responsibility then you need to evaluate YOUR response to situations and stop expecting that he will come through and step it up for yourself. He's proven he lacks the resources to do it differently so if you are going to DO anything DO it for yourself and your children. I know it sucks to be your own man but your talking about survival situations here. Unpaid bills? Possibly no house? Gambling Addiction? Psychological effects on the children? It's daunting but you are at a cross roads and the next decision needs to be for you and your children and to get yourself in a place where you want to be and he'll come along-------------or not. Do you have any more time to address his ADHD behavior and expect results? Maybe that can happen later but for now your children need you! You can find a way momma bear, really you can!
Oh my my my!!!
Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on
The gambling addiction is a form of stimulation,I would be struggling sometimes to pass the week in some bills I need to pay off or maybe just need a few extra box for a shoe at the mall or maybe a handbag,and I would see my husband go in to that casino and gamble hundreds and thousands of dollars in a month and he would never give me a dime for myself to help me at no time whatsoever,maybe just once a year I would not lie,but that is very destructive for running a household,I already see that if I did not set boundaries for him never to attend there without me then his addiction would be so much out of control he would be broke if it was not for me,we only go once a week and that is still too much,but I am pretty sure that he would go during the week when I am not around and how I know this is from a bank statement he left at home while in the grocery and I saw the date on the statement and I know I was not with him that night,sucker knows how to lie.
lovehurts.
Maybe time for a refresher
Submitted by BeingTheEyeOfTh... on
What I may suggest is that you both take time away from the house and kids and put all the cards on the table (no pun intended).
I am not sure if you are the one to be taking charge of the finances (which seems to work out well when the ADHD partner is ok with it from what I've read around here and there) so perhaps it could work out to set a kind of budget that he can work with. Like say "ok, well here is what money is left after all the expenses are paid and the cut we set aside for savings is figured out, go have fun". I know a lot of people may cringe at the idea of being like a sort of warden or parent, but if he already showed he can't be trusted to control his spending then you have to put your foot down.
On a side note, I would also suggest if he likes gambling, well maybe you can suggest gaming? There are many games he can play online where he doesn't have to pay a dime and provides that same form of stimulation/entertainment. On top of that, you know that he will also stay home so there are less things to worry about like him being around alcohol and what not.
Good luck to you!