My personal Groundhog Day

Two years and three months post diagnosis and I have been reading, learning, posting, taking my meds without fail and being patient with my expectations about recovery and closeness to my DW. My situation is different from many hear on this site and the same. Repairing lost trust, remembering important dates, attention to my DW when she has had a bad day. I'm in a good mood most of the time. I'm proactive with projects and keep my deadlines. I read people better, I control my under-whelming and and over-whelming social personalities. I am employed, spend a lot of time with the kids, do a lot of housework. try to keep my promises, communicate better and don't shut-down, I exercise and have held the weight off for over a year. Sounds pretty good to me.

The big issue remaining is part of my cure. My Adderall helps make all the focus on these improvements. More energy, better mood, more level, not obsessed with food, not impulsively buying things as much (we all have room for improvement) This circular argument over my medication. It makes me skinny (I'm 5'-11'' at 185-190 lbs) a healthy weight for a 46 year old I believe. Stimulants make people skinny and need less sleep. The Adderall brings my brain chemistry to a normal level and I function better. Her point is stimulants make all people lose weight and need less sleep. My one point to her is these stimulants bring my brain chemistry to a normal level, evens the playing field. She is still mad about the positive changes in me. She does not see ADD improvement, but only my cheap weight loss and better disposition. Are the improvements not what we are all trying to accomplish here. To her I'm taking speed, feeling better because of the weight loss and more energy and thats it. And I get defensive when we discuss the medication. I get that she is angry about me getting the easy way out. Having ADD is "Great" I'm lucky to have it so I can take Adderall... She watches how much I eat and tells me when I am not meeting the minimum standards and telling me in public settings. I would never humiliate her in public about something like this. I have told her that I felt this topic would never get better without counseling, yet she does not want to go. I just had my annual physical and had the best results ever. I asked the doc about my weight and he said it was good, not gaunt, skinny or frail. I get told when people we know tell her they did not recognize me and I look much older. Only negative comments... I don't ever tell her what people say to me, like you look good... What did you do to lose weight? I know it is painful for her to hear these things when she struggles with her concept of what she thinks she should look like. She is so hard on herself... I compliment her every chance I get, not like every time I see her, but when she looks beautiful I tell her so. I thought this topic was trailing off as it has been about 2 months since the last squabble about it. It just pushes me down to a sad place where there is no resolution and it boils down to a non-understanding of what ADD is and how to treat the disorder. My meds are failing and I'm rambling, so I will say good night. I know this must sound so petty compared to the problems I read about on a daily basis.

Thanks for listening.