My Story

I didnt really realize I had ADHD until recently (Im 25 now)..... let me take that back.... people have always commented on my need to 'play' with things - say things at the wrong time - fidget - lose focus, etc.... I always thought ADHD was for children, and as a teen and adult - it didn't seem like it was possible. I made a lot of bad impulse decisions ever since I was very little, took a lot of risks, and have always been known to run my mouth and speak without really thinking - and they just got worse as I got older. However, unlike a lot of what I have been reading -I was a good student in school... I always made As and Bs... but nothing ever really interested me (I was never one to know what I wanted to be when I grew up - haha.. I still don't) - and I was generally known to not do the reading and still do well on pretty much anything. When I got to college - I didn't want to be there - and again, did as little as possible and still did quite well. I struggled to get through community college because I never wanted to go to class - and only recently have I begun to take classes online to complete my bachelors, only because I can start courses when I want to and complete them when I want - I never have to actually go to class, which means I dont have to sit for three hours... All this never really bothered me (besides little comments here and there) until I started a job where I sit for eight hours a day.. people notice - they comment on how I can't sit still. I doodle during meetings and get up and walk around multiple times a day. I get comments almost daily about ADHD and my behavior - to a point, it depresses me only because Im not trying to be annoying - or lose focus - or say something inappropriate, it just happens... I try to sit still, and I go insane.. My position is beginning to bore me - and I've held it longer than anything before....

Thats just work.... Im in a relationship too.... My first 'real' relationship at that... before him, I participated in a lot of casual, impulse sex.... No one mattered to me.... Its been 5yrs now - we're engaged... I get bored a lot and question the relationship - but I push myself to realize that its not really him - its just me getting bored. I made a bad decision a few months ago and cheated on him - and Im kinda worried that it might happen again (I know right from wrong - but was never put in a situation like that before and not sure I can make the right choice if the temptation comes again - even though I know that its something I can never do again..) - Im not sure my finance really.... believes the severity of ADHD and what it can do to a person... He knows I have characteristics, but part of me thinks that he thinks it should be something I can just turn on and off (that if Im getting in trouble at work for walking around, then I just need to stay seated).... Ive mentioned taking meds - more for myself - for my work performance, and for him - but he is against prescriptions.... I found something called Attend (if anyone knows anything about it - please let me know) that he is more interested in (its all natural) - I know, this is my decision, not his - but I need his support in the long run... oh... he is an advocate for marijuana usage, and although I do partake - and I do feel more relaxed and able to sit still - I really think its just a coverup.. plus I cant smoke at work =) (he feels thats really all I need)..

Theres a lot on this site for men - and its the women that are suffering..... but I know the chances of a successful relationship are slim... Ive found a lot of useful info through here... but Im worried that it will be me to screw up (not only in my relationship - but at work too).... just felt the need to give another side of the story - and any suggestions / advice are greatly appreciated.