Okay, I may come across as the most petty person on the planet and if so, feel free to call me out on this but it has bothered me for a long long time. If you have read any of my posts here you know I have been married for 23 years to an unmedicated ADHD man and we have a 19 year old son and a 17 year old son. DH has been unemployed many times, in fact his last three jobs only lasted three years each. He has a high school diploma only and went into the Air Force where he only made it to Staff Sergeant. He is terrible with money, has no friends and no hobbies until literally this summer when he joined a softball team. And yet...both boys think he hung the moon. WHY?? I mean, I'm not stupid, he's the fun dad, the dad who never makes them do anything, the dad who literally stands there mute while they mouth off to me or back talk me or argue with me and I discipline them. It's always been that way--he is useless at follow through. For a while he was in charge of making sure the younger one got his homework done and I don't think he checked the school homework calendar one time. I would get home at night and they are watching TV but no homework has been done and I have to say TURN THE TV OFF AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK and DH will say Mom wants you to do your homework. So I am always the bad guy-ALWAYS. When will they be old enough or mature enough to figure out how irresponsible and immature he really is? Both of them have floated the idea of going into the military like he did and I LOSE my mind. Both these boys have IQs that there is no name for, they are that high and yes, I know that IQ is not the be all and end all of what a person is capable of. What I am saying is they have options-he went in because his family was dirt poor and he had no other options. And the military also screwed him up good--came home from combat with a healthy dose of PTSD and a very skewed view of himself. He has not been the same since he got back from this war. I will not sacrifice another family member to the service, especially since neither of them say they feel called to serve their country or anything like that. But I digress. I make all the appointments, manage the money, take care of paying for college, college applications, financial aid forms, signing for car loans, anything of substance--that's all me. I also work full time as the Assistant Principal of a private school. I serve on an interfaith council in our town. I participate in a book club, I go to opera, I take cooking classes, I give workshops at other churches and the Cathedral in Chicago. And when DH joined this softball team after literally doing nothing for years, the oldest child said to me, well-at least Dad is doing something-what do you do? Um...WHAT? How can they be so blind? I should add that oldest child is an ADHD person and youngest child is very likely Asperger's, so that is probably my answer.
I don't know what I expect anyone to say, it's just really hard to always be the bad guy and have them admire a loser.