Background: I've been with my ADD partner for about 18 months. We've lived together since day one as we were housemates before we were a couple. He hasn't been formally diagnose with ADD although he has finally made an appointment with a doctor and is waiting for a referral - I don't think either of us is in any doubt that he does have ADD.
I went back to uni in October which meant us moving to another city, him changing jobs and him paying ALL the rent and household bills so that I can study. I cannot begin to explain how grateful I am to him for this, and I understand what an enormous and generous commitment this is on his part. For my part, I try to keep on top of all the household chores so that he doesn't have to think about that (although, when I was paying 50% rent/bills when I was working, I also did all the household chores then....)
The problem is, I feel utterly alone in our relationship and he feels like a stranger to me these days. We have a fairly tempestuous relationship at the best of times but at the moment, he is finding work very stressful and I am finding uni very stressful so things seem to have reached a breaking point for me.
I am trying SO hard to understand what it is like having ADD - I'm even focusing my assignment for my Neuroscience unit on it. I've read countless articles and posts on this forum to try to be a more understanding girlfriend, but it doesn't seem to be getting us anywhere.
What I can't accept is that he has made no endeavours to either 1) find out some coping strategies for his ADD, or 2) find out what it's like not having ADD!!
He doesn't seem to understand that life is pretty stressful at times for us non-ADDers - I don't always feel like I have the energy/motivation/coping skills to keep on top of the mountain of uni work and household chores. But I do.
If I ever have a problem that's worrying me, I try to talk to him about it, but he just won't see things from my point of view. I just don't know how to talk to him anymore. He gets defensive so quickly and ultimately blames me for EVERYTHING. It seems that apologising would kill him.
I realise this post is a bit of a rant, so to make it a bit more concise....
Will he ever be able to show me emotional support? The financial support is kind and generous and hugely appreciated, but I feel that it's the easiest type of support for him to offer. Can I ever rely on him to pick up the pieces when I can't cope anymore?
Sorry for the long post; any replies would be very gratefully received.