natural consequences - adhd effect on marriage - questions and reflections

ADHD Effect on Marriage is one of my current re-reads.  I just finished reading Step 2:  Addressing Obstacles.  I am still struggling a lot with the aspect of natural consequences for the adhd spouse.  I am finding that I, the non-adhd spouse, am still bombarded with natural consequences as a result of my adhd household.  But the natural consequences don't seem to be affecting the adhd individuals, they seem to be my natural association.  As a small example, I will do laundry simply because I need to clean my clothes so I might as well do everyone else's, but I will not put their clothes away. I will put my husband's clothes in a pile somewhere (either in our bedroom or the shared closet). Not my responsibility....letting go.  He will never put them away, and my room and closet is still a mess.  That is a natural consequence, to me, that is mine too because my closet/room is still a mess.  Yes, his natural consequence is that he cannot find his clothes, but I still have a messy room.  This is a smaller scale example to the example Melissa uses in, "Don't let triggers send you back" and "Don't Acquiesce"...When Melissa's business phone line was cut off, the "don't acquiesce" result was that she had to contact all her business connections to tell them her cell number.  I'm confused.  Isn't that a natural consequence that affects her big time?  Yes, Melissa had to take action that is better for her (contacting associates), but this was at the cost of her husband's procrastinations.  How can she not blame?  AND, Was her husband's natural consequence guilt?  Can someone please clarify this for me.