Hello , I was wondering if i could receive some unbiased advice, I have been dating my girlfriend for an entire year, I am having some doubts about our relationship however and was wondering if someone could share some insight on the matter with me. I met my girlfriend a year ago. I fell in love with her kindness, her loving demeanour, her caring qualities and her physical beauty, she is absolutley gorgeous. She told me she was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age but i didn't pay much attention to it.
Two weeks into our friendship before we even started dating she was sending me love songs, and telling me she didn't want to "lose me" because she revealed some mistakes in her past which i agreed to overlook and put behind us. Well she was very romantic and was extremely affectionate very early on in our relationship. She was very focused on me and it was like i was her priority. She would text me first thing in the morning, text me on my breaks at work, text me at lunch, call me after work, and text me all evening. I didn't mind i just passed it off as her being very affectionate. After 2 months and only seeing each other maybe once a week she said i was the guy she knew she wanted to marry. Again she would always fantasize about our life together, saying all the things we would do and all the places we would travel to see. She still lived at home being only 19, ( im 22) and whenever i visited her room it would be a mess, her dad would constantly be getting on her to clean her room and do household chores, he would interrupt our conversations on the phone to tell her things she needed to do. One time i came to her house to assemble furniture for her, and the entire time all she was doing was hanging off me and kissing me while i tried to work. It was frustrating as i was trying to do things for her and yet all she was focused on was me and displaying affection.
The doubts that i am having is whether or not she is a motivated person in life or whether she lives in a fantasy world. When we started dating she didn't have a job and she didn't receive her high school diploma because she failed English 12. I looked past these things, knowing how much potential she had and didn't want it to affect my viewpoint of her, I encouraged her to take evening courses to graduate, and to think about a career. She didn't know what she wanted to do in life, although she said she loved children but didn't want to take the long classes that were required for a diploma. So i suggested a dental hygienist, which she happily agreed about. So she took biology 12 because she needed this to gain entrance to the college course as a prerequisite and English 12. It was a 6 week long course from2 pm -6pm. During those 6 weeks she missed five days. I learnt she wasn't doing good in the course, she was constantly failing tests. While at school she was constantly texting me , i told her i was concerned that she focus on the class and was amazed she was doing this during class but she reassured me the teacher was " ok with it". Well after those six weeks were over she told me that she failed the biology course and just passed English.
I was in disbelief that she obviously didn't take it seriously. One of her friends recently told me she was in and out of relationships from the time she was 15 until she met me and was known by people as a " guy hopper" . I asked about some of her past relationships. One in particular she said was an abusive relationship, where her ex suffered from mental issues. He would call her up and start crying and she would talk to him on the phone for hours, trying to comfort him. I asked why she would stay with someone like that and she said because she felt thats what she needed to do "in order to get the guy" even though she knew she would be settling, and because she is a kind and loving person she wanted to nurture him. I am concerned at this point because i don't want our relationship to go on any longer if she is not good marriage material at this moment in her life. I am concerned because she doesn't know how to cook or clean after herself, but she insists when we are married she will do all these things. She doesn't have a drivers license and has no desire to get one.
i am also worried because she can move in and out of relationships so quickly that she may think she loves me, but its only the love of being in a relationship and not for who i am , and that after we are married, she will become a different person. I heard that lot of people have amazingly affectionate courtships , but this doesn't last into the marriage after the hyper focus wears off. She is the most romantic, loving, caring person i have ever met, but i'm not sure if she is one way around me and a different way around others, as she doesn't have many friends and the ones she does have are guys who are or were at one time interested in her romantically.
My biggest fear is her telling me what i want to her and focusing on a fantasy of life with me, instead of thinking in realistic terms, and she will forever be in a fantasy. I love this girl so much, but i am greatly worried. To further support my fears is her families history of mental illness. Her grandma has bi polar disorder, her brother has social anxiety disorder as well as anger problems. her sister has a eating disorder and a social anxiety disorder. her parents both suffer from depression and take medication to deal with it. I do love her , and i want to know if anyone seems a similarity with my situation and theirs or possibly to someone they know. i don't want to marry her and make the wrong decision regretting it for the rest of my life. Another one of my concerns is she would do things in past relationships even though she didn't want to " in order to get the guy", i'm wondering if our relationship is based on the same principle.
She told me she wanted children when i first met her and how she wanted a career with children. After three months into the relationship i confessed to her that i didn't want children, she didn't argue or put up a fight in anyway , not even so much as to say well in the future could we talk about it to see if our circumstances change, no instead she agreed not to have any! I find that also very confusing adding to my doubts. Please offer me some unbiased advice!