The heading of this forum really needs to change--there is no communication with ADHD, none. DH, me and the 17 year old are headed to a movie this afternoon. DH came in with his laptop to order the tickets online. I told him the credit card number, etc., and he ordered them. I said we should leave about noon to get to the mall (I have to drop my laptop off for service in the same mall) and then head to the movie. He gets done putting in the credit card info and tells me the total then says so what time do you want to leave for the mall? I had said we should leave at noon less than 10 minutes before that. I understand ADHD people cannot/will not pay attention to a gosh darn thing THEY don't deem important, so he didn't retain what I said moments before and it's not that big of an issue, just geez--how do these people function in every day life?? My DH has a big job. It's not going to last very long. He has gotten fired every three years from the last three jobs he has had and I don't wonder why. That is ridiculous.
Not looking for any advice, just venting.
In the same leaky boat
Submitted by adhd32 on
The most likely scenario for me would be:
1) struggle to get out of house, leave 15 minutes late for the movie even after discussing the plan ad nauseam
2) H will drive like a maniac to make it to the mall in time for the show but he does not account for Sunday rainy day traffic and acts as though no one else should be on the road but him
3) arrive at mall and drive around looking for parking while H complains about everyone else's driving skills
4) run to the theater to make the show
5) find out that he bought tickets to a later show and we will now have to kill 2 hours until the show
This is no joke. He has purchased tickets to the completely wrong artist and tix to the correct artist at a venue in another state. One time we arrived for a show to find out that the venue was changed and tickets were canceled but since he didn't bother reading any of the emails from the ticket seller he didn't purchase guaranteed seats to the new sold-out show via their emailed link.
This is his life too. He pays some bills twice and others not at all. H refuses to set up auto pay to pay minimums to at least avoid the late fees. Why, it makes no sense. If there is a difficult, convoluted process to remedy a problem, that is the route H will take. The simple, easiest path is never the one he chooses; I do not understand why.
Trying to get somewhere
Submitted by CaliforniaGirl on
I can relate. No matter how many times I prodded him to leave, my ex and I would never end up at a movie with enough time to get parked, get snacks, go to the bathroom (if needed) and find a good seat before it started. We would inevitably walk into the theatre in the dark and try to fumble around and find seats (usually crappy ones at this point) and disturb others in the process. I ended up never wanting to go to a movie with him because of it. Half the time he would fall asleep in the theatre after all that, anyway... so why not just go by myself and avoid the difficulties.
Rushing around attempting to buy a gift for one of his friends or relatives birthday on the way to a party we were already late for was another common occurrence... and once we ended up arriving to a party at his friends house on the day before it was actually supposed to happen.
Restaurants were another one. He always left work very late, around 8:30pm. Most of the time this was not because he was actually working.. but because he was sitting around shooting the breeze and drinking with his coworkers. So, if I hadn't cooked dinner, he would want to go out. We would either A) not be able to find something decent that is open past 9pm on a weeknight or - more often than not - B) He would want to walk in the door at 5 or 10 minutes to 9 and sit down at a nicer restaurant. I have friends in the restaurant industry. I kept telling him that it is completely uncool to walk in right before closing because the staff has done most of the cleanup already and really does not want to seat you. He could absolutely not get his head around this no matter how many times I explained why it was a problem. In his mind they closed at 9pm so it was perfectly fine to walk in right up until 9 and expect to be served a full sit down meal, cocktails and all.
The worst incident though was when he had his (young adult) children and their significant others over at Xmas and we planned to go see a movie on Xmas Day. He would not agree to plan dinner at home. He was absolutely insistent that we would find something to eat afterwards. I tried to explain to him that it's Xmas Day and nothing will be open. Particularly if it was late. I suggested we could just make something simple when we got back instead. Pasta, whatever... anything. He continued to refuse and got angrier and angrier about it. So I finally said, ok fine. They're your kids. You figure out how to feed them. Welp, sure enough... we get out of the movie and he tells me to look for something on Yelp. (Why is this now suddenly my responsibility?) Of course I cannot find anything. And he keeps insisting that there must be something. We start driving because he thinks he'll just come across something that's open... and we go around and around (again) about how IT'S CHRISTMAS FFS and EVERYTHING IS CLOSED. But I finally find something on Yelp that says it's open ... a crappy cheap hotel diner. So we ate there. The food was terrible and the whole time I was seething. It was quite possibly the worst Xmas I've ever had. I have spent Xmas alone and was better off than having to deal with all the arguing and frustration.
Honestly, I would love to know if these kinds of things are some misguided way of attempting to assert control over things or just plan stubborn behavior. Maybe both.
If there is a difficult,
Submitted by dvance on
If there is a difficult, convoluted process to remedy a problem, that is the route H will take. The simple, easiest path is never the one he chooses; I do not understand why.
The above is totally my DH also. No direct route--the most twisty turny path is his favorite, both literally and figuratively. He takes physical roads to get places that would never even occur to most of us-way more convoluted and out of the way than straightforward routes. He won't do anything an easy way. He opens and READS junk mail and then is likely to stuff it in a drawer, not toss it. Why?? We live in an apartment with a communal garage. He has a hand truck, like a dolly thing behind his parking place (among other junk back there) and people have been known to borrow it. Now, they should not, I get that, but we also have a locked storage cage thing like most apartments do. Why not lock it up there? The other night he waited in the lobby for perhaps 30 minutes to see who had borrowed it so he could...I don't know what. I asked why he doesn't just put it in the storage locker. I have never seen HIM use this item, by the way. Why will he not lock it up if it bugs him so much that other people use it?? No idea. As of today, it's still down by his car. There is zero logic, zero common sense. I don't try to make sense of it any more.
The long road
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Just to chime in, my husband is the same. He will look at the highway traffic and do anything to avoid it. However, the "anything" is usually much slower than the highway would have been and even if we left on time (which we probably didn't), we end up extra late to our destination. When things happen in the house, he will start out trying to do them himself (when it's clear neither of us are qualified to address whatever it is) and leave it in a huge bungled mess that is now three times as expensive to remedy professionally. We have a few messes like that around our place that we now can't afford to fix. We have an enormous lot to mow and when our riding mower died, he replaced it with a push mower without consulting me. Now our lawn takes three times as long to cut and the mower can only hold a charge long enough to do a third of it so it is never all cut at the same time anyway. He doesn't like mowing the lawn to begin with... now it's much harder and takes much longer. He does not pay the bills on time, but refuses to put them on autopay, instead preferring to have to call each provider whenever he decides to pay the bills for the total we owe because he has misplaced the bill. Bill paying takes him hours because he searches for the bills and account numbers and has to be on hold with the various providers for so long vs. minutes for people who do it on time with the piece of paper or e-mail with the total on it. I don't get it. Not to mention we get hit with late charges. I pay my half of the bills immediately upon receipt or via autopay.
The long road
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Just to chime in, my husband is the same. He will look at the highway traffic and do anything to avoid it. However, the "anything" is usually much slower than the highway would have been and even if we left on time (which we probably didn't), we end up extra late to our destination. When things happen in the house, he will start out trying to do them himself (when it's clear neither of us are qualified to address whatever it is) and leave it in a huge bungled mess that is now three times as expensive to remedy professionally. We have a few messes like that around our place that we now can't afford to fix. We have an enormous lot to mow and when our riding mower died, he replaced it with a push mower without consulting me. Now our lawn takes three times as long to cut and the mower can only hold a charge long enough to do a third of it so it is never all cut at the same time anyway. He doesn't like mowing the lawn to begin with... now it's much harder and takes much longer. He does not pay the bills on time, but refuses to put them on autopay, instead preferring to have to call each provider whenever he decides to pay the bills for the total we owe because he has misplaced the bill. Bill paying takes him hours because he searches for the bills and account numbers and has to be on hold with the various providers for so long vs. minutes for people who do it on time with the piece of paper or e-mail with the total on it. I don't get it. Not to mention we get hit with late charges. I pay my half of the bills immediately upon receipt or via autopay.