Need to get my life back!


  Hello to everyone, 

I have come across this great website and have just started reading the book. I have always known that something was not quite right but can not believe all the symptoms that have been confirmed. My mother in law, spouse and youngest daughter have what I have previously described as itchy brains. Distracted, compulsive, impulsive, oppositional and risky.  Brains ticking at a million miles an hour unknowingly upsetting so many people.

My life has been turned upside down and I am struggling to get it back on track.  My husband is a great person, he is very loving and affectionate, funny and generous.  He is a great cook and I know he loves me very much. He has always been very hard work though, awkward and not logical, unable to see the right thing to do, making quick WRONG decisions. He has brought so much hurt to my life, with alcohol and substance abuse, ruining 99% of the social occasions we have ever been to. Urinating over me and his children, losing things, being aggressive. For a long time I thought he was an alcoholic because he couldn't control the amounts he consumed, spending money we just didn't have, so he sought counselling but they said it sounded like relationship issues as he had convinced them that I was controlling as I have always had to make the responsible decisions.  He just couldn't see any of the damage he was doing. I have basically had to be his parent for 13 years.

I recently found out in a very traumatic way that he had slept with my best friend several times just before we were married and then we had her as a witness.  I know these things happen in life but no one can believe what he has done because everyone thought he was a good guy, a social hand grenade with alcohol but a good guy. This was his best friends wife who it seems was preying on him but still he did it three times. All the time blaming me because he was in victim mode. I was doing the lions share of everything so was exhausted and not interested in sex.  It hurts so bad that he let her manipulate me, he says he just had to forget about it. How can you forget about being so wreckless? He came out with psoriasis all over his body so it must have affected him some how?  I also found out that he had paid for sex under the influence of drugs. Regretting it soon after but managing to forget. He is a very sensitive person so I know that he will have been affected by this even if it will have been short lived.

He is trying extremely hard to get focused to save our marriage but I can't see him ever being able to be a responsible adult. He has been to the doctors (we live in the uk) but they have sent him away saying that there isn't really anything they can do as there is only a place in London that deals with adult ADHD. I cannot carry anymore of this responsibility, I am broken into tiny pieces. My parenting skills have gone out of the window and he has had to step up and do most things for my girls. They might not get done properly but he is trying and given the way his brain is he is doing very well. I am on anti depressants which devastates me as I grew up with a single parent with serious depression and I have tried so hard to be a responsible parent.

We have started to read the book together and most of the time he agrees with it but there is a part of him that thinks there is nothing wrong.  I can not carry on without any support, ADHD is consuming my life and I feel terribly alone.

Sorry to have written so much, I couldn't stop once I started. It has been very therapeutic. Any comments or advise would be greatly appreciated.