Im the non-ADHD spouse - married to hubby for 10 years, diagnosed only 8 months ago. He really is a lovely guy and I do love him, but we are in such trouble that it seems as though we may be heading for the divorce route. Medications make symptom control better but not perfect... but the issue seems to be that I cant move on from the past hurt, anger, resentment and frustration. As much as I want to and try, I cant forget everything his untreated ADHD put me through. He now takes more responsibility, is less impulsive and dotes on me - but he still has mood swings and trouble with anger outbursts - and still occasionally says hurtful things. I dont want to get divorced - we have 2 wonderful children (one with ADHD which makes a difficult life even harder at times) and have been through so much together it would be a shame to throw it all away. But please help me, how do I move on from the past? Sex has always been a big thing for him - he says this is how he feels as though he can connect with me.... I however dont feel ready for that step yet. We tried one of the suggestions in the book ADHD effect on marriage - about putting the old relationship in a box and starting anew 2 days ago. When we did this, I explained to him that I wasnt ready for sex yet and that I need to reconnect emotionally better before I feel this can happen. At the time he seemed ok about it, but said he would sleep on the couch as he would be too angry and frustrated to sleep in the marital bed if I would not have sex with him. Last night was the second night he slept on the couch, this morning getting up to a upset, angry and frustrated man that has essentially given me an ultimatum - sex or divorce. Why cant I just move on? Its not like sex with him is horrible - in fact, he is actually very attentive to my needs and always aims to please. Please help :(
Submitted by missymoo on 02/03/2011.