I am the non-ADD spouse and have read Melissa's book and two of Dr. Hallowell's books. I have finally convinced my undiagnosed husband to also read about ADHD, but he told me he is unable to read an entire book and needs a shortened article.
Anyone out there know of any informative, but brief articles that explain ADHD? If not, then I will try to compile excerpts out of the books for him to review.
Submitted by carathrace on
This is a good website with many informative short articles: https://www.additudemag.com/channel/adult-add-adhd/index.html
Or just google "adult ADHD" and many resources will pop up. A book we liked was "More Attention Less Deficit" by Ari Tuckman -- it's structured for ADHDs with lots of short chapters.
Submitted by Suda on
Thanks for the excellent resources. I appreciate it!
Submitted by RoadtoRecovery on
I've been collecting stuff over time. Feel free to help yourself. https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0BwX6faI_JW75QW1OaGplSVBoV1k&usp=sharing
ADHD article that my ADHD spouse says helps him understand......
Submitted by Zapp10 on
My H handed a print off to me this morning. He says this is the first time he has found an understanding of what is going on with him.
The article I think is great.....it says what so many others say BUT somehow, someway...this one REACHED him. THAT is all that matters. The idea of tools was received by him....where in the past he has "missed" this key.( we HAVE discussed tools many times....wth) BUT I don't care.......I am very happy for him that he has found SOMETHING HE can relate to and build on. http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/10117.html
There are a couple things I don't agree with in this particular paper but they are of little consequence so I am not bringing them up. By and large it does a great job( my view) of describing ADHD.
Zapp Interesting and Curious?
Submitted by kellyj on
I'm interested in what you don't agree with in the article? From my perspective, these are potentially of great consequence but I have no idea what those are? As with so many articles like this...they are trying to explain or describe what something that you don't experience...but we do and then why that is? It's a difficult thing to describe well...but the fact of the matter is...it exists and that's all that important to anyone on both sides. I can give you my two bits and tell you the MOST important parts of the article for me and what I pretty much know as the facts of "my experience". I can't give you the "facts" of why this is...but the experience as my teacher...tells me if things are true or accurate? From my experience with having ADHD...I can tell you what is true for me? As I see it...when someone says..."they don't agree"...they are not agreeing with what they see and how they interpret what they see or experience. The last thing I want to do it argue with someone about this. The first thing I want always...is resolution and a coming to an understanding between these things that people...don't agree with? This gets into the realm of "feelings" again. From my experience...when I say....I get a feeling that this is right? I know it's true as in "the feeling itself"? It is a feeling and that's all it is....but as with feelings in gerenal and from another person perspective...all they can do is access and interpret what they see...they cannot have the same "feeling" since that would require them to have ADHD....and they don't. (big sigh..........) Round and round we go....right?
Everyone with ADHD knows that they can "get in the zone" at least four or five times a day. When they are in the zone, they have no impairments, and the executive function deficits they may have had before entering the zone disappear. ADHDers know that they are bright and clever, but they are never sure whether their abilities will show up when they need them. The fact that symptoms and impairments come and go throughout the day is the defining trait of ADHD. It makes the condition mystifying and frustrating.
This is true. For the most part...I would be in the Zone all day long everyday...if other things didn't prevent me from doing that? I know how to get there and stay there.....but only in a perfect world. If my goal or intention was to stay in the Zone all the time.....everyone would disown me....that a huge part of the problem right there. Optimum performance means......"getting in the Zone...and staying there as long as you can." For the most part...other people want you "OUT of the Zone"...and your doing your best to get "in the Zone and stay there". And what you get when that happens.....is conflict. Plain and simple.
People with ADHD primarily get in the zone by being interested in, or intrigued by, what they are doing. I call it an interest-based nervous system. Judgmental friends and family see this as being unreliable or self-serving. When friends say, "You can do the things you like," they are describing the essence of the ADHD nervous system.
Yep....absolutely. It's 'Hard Wired" this way. There's no...."un-wiring and re-wiring" possible. What is normal for us...is not normal for you. This....NEVER CHANGES EVER.....because that....would bre impossible.
ADHD individuals also get in the zone when they are challenged or thrown into a competitive environment. Sometimes a new or novel task attracts their attention. Novelty is short-lived, though, and everything gets old after a while.
This implies you have no control of this and getting in the Zone is sort of by accident or happenstance? That's not true but what I said about "other things getting in the way of this"...is really the reason I think. It's what it "feels" like? Challenged or thrown into a competitive environment for me.....OMG!! Watch me go.....I come alive!! Variety..is the "spice of life" as they say?
Most people with an ADHD nervous system can engage in tasks and access their abilities when the task is urgent — a do-or-die deadline, for instance. This is why procrastination is an almost universal impairment in people with ADHD. They want to get their work done, but they can't get started until the task becomes interesting, challenging, or urgent.
Yes...but I can't explain exactly why this is? All I know is....that it exists and this is a weird and unexplainable phenomenon but true? You can do things about this however. None of this is saying that you CAN"T. It's just much harder to do and require more effort I think? Effort....the operant word.
How the Rest of the World Functions
The 90 percent of non-ADHD people in the world are referred to as "neurotypical." It is not that they are "normal" or better. Their neurology is accepted and endorsed by the world. For people with a neurotypical nervous system, being interested in the task, or challenged, or finding the task novel or urgent is helpful, but it is not a prerequisite for doing it.
Neurotypical people use three different factors to decide what to do, how to get started on it, and to stick with it until it is completed:
1. the concept of importance (they think they should get it done).
2. the concept of secondary importance--they are motivated by the fact that their parents, teacher, boss, or someone they respect thinks the task is important to tackle and to complete.
3. the concept of rewards for doing a task and consequences/punishments for not doing it.
A person with an ADHD nervous system has never been able to use the idea of importance or rewards to start and do a task. They know what's important, they like rewards, and they don't like punishment. But for them, the things that motivate the rest of the world are merely nags.
I don't agree with this exactly either? To say never....is like saying this isn't even there like it doesn't or can't exist? These things exist too....but if you were talking about a child with ADHD....this may be a never thing. By the time you get older....these things do come into play...but just not in the same way. Lower on the list....but still there none the less. Back to harder. "Hard"...doesn't mean "Can't" or without the ability or capacity? Never kind of implies "ability" and "capacity" and I don't think that's true. For me....it's there only in part but I would never say never as he did except for a kid possibly? You do have control of what you think and thinking can over ride..."feelings". As my T introduced to the Bull with a ring in it's nose? You can take the "ring" out...and you have control of this once you do. Is it hard to do this? OMG yes!!!
It's Personal: "12 Things You Don't Know About Me and My ADHD"
The inability to use importance and rewards to get motivated has a lifelong impact on ADHDers' lives:
until you learn "HOW"
How can those diagnosed with the condition choose between multiple options if they can't use the concepts of importance and financial rewards to motivate them?
You can't....until you learn how again?
How can they make major decisions if the concepts of importance and rewards are neither helpful in making a decision nor a motivation to do what they choose?
The consequences when you don't...that's how? But now....your not in the Zone anymore. That's the problem? To "Zone" or not to "Zone"...that is the question? lol And it's "Nobler in the mind"....if you don't want everyone pissed off at you all the time!! lol
This understanding explains why none of the cognitive and behavioral therapies used to manage ADHD symptoms have a lasting benefit. Researchers view ADHD as stemming from a defective or deficit-based nervous system.
I disagree. Only compared to everyone else..and using that as the base line to compare to.
I see ADHD stemming from a nervous system that works perfectly well by its own set of rules. Unfortunately, it does not work by any of the rules or techniques taught and encouraged in a neurotypical world.
This is what it feels like to me too. Like there is nothing wrong with the way things work and they work together fine as long as you are trying to do things like everyone else? I can do better....than most people in a lot of things....but I can't do as well as other people when trying to do them in the the way they do it. Simply put. Can't "re-wire" the brain can you?
ADDers do not fit in the standard school system, which is built on repeating what someone else thinks is important and relevant.
check. when someone start teaching you base on what they think is important....it scrambles my brain and I have to unscramble what my teachers would say....and put it back into the order that made sense to me because what they would say sometimes made literally...no sense to me what so ever. Top down.....versus bottom up. Coming from two...entirely different "poles".
ADDers do not flourish in the standard job that pays people to work on what someone else (namely, the boss) thinks is important.
If you have to. But it will be a thankless and unrewarding experience unless there's some freedom for creativity involved. No creativity...means you will hate the job and your life at the same time. lol Like "slow death"....putting into words.
ADDers are disorganized, because just about every organizational system out there is built on two things — prioritization and time management — that ADDers do not do well.
If you say so? LOL I mean....it wouldn't have occurred to me which is making the point I guess?
ADDers have a hard time choosing between alternatives, because everything has the same lack of importance. To them, all of the alternatives look the same.
I think sometimes this is how things get misinterpreted...but I'm assuming for anyone reading this who does not have ADHD...you need to provide some stark contrasts in order to understand the concept. In reality...I think this is a much more subtle thing? Maybe that's just me and the "degree" of severity I have?
People with an ADHD nervous system know that, if they get engaged with a task, they can do it. Far from being damaged goods, people with an ADHD nervous system are bright and clever. The main problem is that they were given a neurotypical owner's manual at birth. It works for everyone else, not for them.
YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES,YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.....and YES!!!
What "Works...for everyone else....does not...WORK...with us" We've got the wrong owners manual...that's the problem. It's like trying to work on a Ferrari engine....and you've got a Toyota Corolla Manual? Ferrari engines...are known to be temperamental and highly "strung". A little too much here..or not enoght there...and the whole thing gets out of wack in a hurry. Tuning....a Ferrari engine.; is a lot more exactly and needs to be very precise or it runs like crap. (the zone again ....we've got a wicked power band but it's up above 6,000 rpms....below that...the engine loads up and boggs down. Ferrari's were not designed to go slow and take the kids to the grocery store. They were designed to go balls out...all day long with no stop signs to contend with. That's a BIG problem if you're driving in stop and go traffic all day? )
It's not as forgiving...as a Toyota Corolla engine by any means? Toyota were built for economy and for transportation and everyday driving. By design....they were not meant to be taken to the race track and compete with Ferrari's, Lamborghini's and Porches'? Where they like to live...is between 2500 and 3500 rpms all day long. At 6000 rpms....the engine will start to come unglued and pistons will be flying and parts all strewn all other the place wth a trail of engine parts on the ground behind you? LOL It'd be a yard sale for sure...if you ran a Corolla like this for more than just a few minutes?
This clearly...makes it difficult to figure out how to do anything or fix a problem...when you have to re-invent the wheel since you've got the wrong owners manual? lol
The ADHD Zone (6000 rpms and up )
Almost every one of my patients and their families want to drop the term Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, because it describes the opposite of what they experience every moment of their lives.
It should be outlawed!!! lol wrong!!! lol
It is hard to call something a disorder when it imparts many positives. ADHD is not a damaged or defective nervous system. It is a nervous system that works well using its own set of rules. Despite ADHD's association with learning disabilities, most people with an ADHD nervous system have significantly higher-than-average IQs. They also use that higher IQ in different ways than neurotypical people.
I don't know...I don't know what my IQ is?
By the time most people with the condition reach high school, they are able to tackle problems that stump everyone else, and can jump to solutions that no one else saw.
The vast majority of adults with an ADHD nervous system are not overtly hyperactive. They are hyperactive internally.
The "itch" that you can't find to scracth?
Those with the condition don't have a shortage of attention. They pay too much attention to everything. Most people with unmedicated ADHD have four or five things going on in their minds at once. The hallmark of the ADHD nervous system is not attention deficit, but inconsistent attention.
That's the bottom line. It's not that we don't think enough...are RAM is full and we need more RAM!! lol
I've always thought my daughter got her ADHD from me....
Submitted by c ur self on
I probably should be tested....especially after reading this....It would explain a lot.....
Submitted by Zapp10 on
What I have an "issue" with is not related to anything "specifically" to do with ADHD. It is more of a pet peeve of mine and was referenced in the article. Really just a personal belief and by no means a biggie or one that causes problems.......How my doin? ....Keeping my mouth shut about my own opinion? .....I'm a workin' on it.....NOT EASY! (wink, wink).......
Submitted by DependentOrigination on
1. I find it distressing that you want to be in the zone all the time. If that is what my husband thinks, and that is what you think, why be married? I do not exist in my husbands mind, when he is in the zone. If he was in the zone all the time, life would be easy. He would never come home or interact with me, and I could move on.
2. For me, I see my husband procrastinate when he has a large task at hand because once he starts, it will use up every ounce of his being. He will work, without stopping for food, rest, dates with wife, obligations with his family, etc. He will even abandon things he wants to do, because he in the zone. He knows (consciously, or unconsciously) that the zone will destroy him. So I think he loves it and he hates it. And sometimes I think the procrastination is a protective mechanism.
Hurray for Him
Submitted by ADH9er on
I too find that article relatable. I share in your hope for your DH to continue 'Finding Things' that will help him continue to 'Look'.