My husband and I have been together 10 years, married for 7. I'm in my late 20's, he is in his early 30's. This march he started acting cold and distant. After being obviously annoyed by my presence one night out with our friends, I asked what was wrong. He said he wasn't happy and hasn't been in 5-6 years. I was shocked! He says I had shut him out emotionally for so long that he is numb to me. To say I was hurt is an understatement. I suggested counseling and he said he would try. I met with the counselor once on my own, and it helped me realize I was alittle co-dependent. We met together with the counselor once, and he said he didn't know if he wanted to even be with me anymore. He just didn't know what he wanted. We were both crying and hurting. In all honesty, our sex life was pretty good, and we rarely went more than a week without it. His only complaint was I wasn't "adventurous or eager to have sex enough for him". That in my opinion was our only issue in our marriage.
He owns his own business, and participates in a professional sport. He said he had "adhd" when he was a kid, but doesn't think it affects his life now. He regularly forgeets little tasks, rarely finishes a project especially involving fixing up the house, needs constant stimulation, hates to stay home and do nothing, and likes the bar scene with his friends. Both our families have been affected my alcoholism, and his father died of a drug overdose when he was a kid. Now with our marriage issues, and for the past year he is all about his friends and going out. His friends are all about a good time and drinking. I can't count the number of times he puked from drinking too much. He's in his 30's and thank God we don't have children. During this vulnerable time in our marriage, he went out one night with a friend to grab a drink and talk. 6 hours later my husband text me to say he was crashing at his friends place because he drank too much. I'm a few years younger than him, and I'm tired of the bar scene. I'm going back to school and working full-time and I'm at my wits end. He said he is a social person and loves being around people. He just started his own business last year, and should be focusing on that and his athletic career. He is rebelling against getting professional help, and when it comes to our marriage his response is "I don't know".
This website has reassured my beliefs that he is ADHD, and that we both need counseling. Our relationship has been parent/child dynamic since day one since I am the more stable reliable one, and he easily forgets things. I'm at a loss at what to do, or if there is anything I can do. I can see him on a downward spiral with his business if he doesn't get help soon. For my financial future as his wife still, I want to protect him and myself. Of course I still love him dearly, and would love to be able to rebuild our marriage, however I'm not blind to the idea that the damage could well be too much. Whether we stay together or not, I want him to be healthy, and even our counselor said this cycle of "unhappiness" will continue for him if he doesn't make changes.
Any advice to persuade my husband to take care of himself, for his career and his health sake?