After finding out about ADD and understanding it, I am able to start resolve my issues and understand some of the issues I have with my wife, but I did take a toll on my wife and right now we are "in house" separated. I live/sleep downstairs after our kids are put to bed. We no longer talk, have not had any physical contact to include kissing and hugging since Jan of 2010. I have not heard the words "I Love You" since July of this year as well. Our finances have hit rock bottom and we are headed for a divorce.
Even though I had found a resolution to my issues and was able to start down the path to resolving them, she is not! She still has some deep anger, hurt and resentment towards me, along with losing herself along the way. She has asked me for space and time but up until about 3 weeks ago I would not give it to her, maybe it is the man in me and/or the ADD but I could not give it to her. She along with God finally made me see that it was what she needed so 3 weeks ago I moved downstairs. It has been one of the hardest things for me to do! I hate it, I hate not watching TV or playing games with her or play with her hair or have her hand rest on my chest when we are in bed. I hate it that when the kids get up in the middle of the night she is the one who is dealing with them, I cannot hear them when they get up. I have offered to sleep on the couch but she has not answered me about that. We will not talk about any important issue at this time, just kids and jobs and other people. Right now we are roommates who just like each other and share a house. Together as parents we rock, we are on the same page and are very much together on that front but anything else we are just passing by each other. I was demanded by her to either take these steps which was to start seeing a counselor, the possibility of taking medication and to find some resolution with my issues or risk watching her leave. I know that life in the last 3 years has not been kind to her, dealing with me, our finances and her own struggles with life. I am not a patient person at all and seeing her and I drift further apart is tearing me up inside! I finally decided to "disconnect" from her; I am nurse by trade so I used this when I became too close to long term patients that either passed away or would leave. I would disconnect from them, make myself not feel anything towards them so the pain would not be there. I have done this to the one person who I do not want to and I am scared that we will drift further away and that I will lose her! Do I just address my issues, concentrate in making myself better and hope that it will enough for her to come around? Do I not worry about her? Do I do anything? I am lost, she will not talk to me, I do not know what to do or do nothing. Any advice would be appreciated, I do mean any! Just need some advice from people who have actually experienced life/marriage with ADD. I do like reading now and have ordered the following books, " The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate" and "The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps (Assertiveness Motivation Selfe)" for some insight, at the same time I would like to have some advice from anyone willing to give it.