Hi There
I am new to the forum and feel a huge sigh of relief, as I can relate to so much being shared. My husband has ADHD and was diagnosed in childhood, he is in his late forty’s now and stopped taking his med’s about 20 years ago, the reason being is because he didn’t want to remain in a zombie state all the time.
We will be married for two years in August. This past weekend was one of his angry weekends where everything would just set him off. It pretty much ended with I hate my life, it is boring and we should have never gotten married. Very hurtful considering that I love him. The next night there was a documentary on ADHD and that what had me going on the internet to search and find out more about ADHD and that is how I ended up here on this website.
My husband keeps telling me to let him know when I feel overwhelmed and need a break from him for a few days, as he has no problem leaving and will come back when I tell him too. This pattern of thinking must have come from his previous marriage, as I have no intention of doing this to us. Then last night when I came home from work he told me that he needed a change of environment and that when he pick’s up his pay on Friday he is going to spend a few day’s with his brother. We live in the city and his brother lives in a rural area in a real small town with a population of 286 about a 6 hour drive away.
My husband decided that he no longer wants to work for his current employer as he felt he was being bullied and had quite on Sunday night. He has only worked for this guy for about two weeks and was unemployed for 10 months before this. Financially I am having a hard time to keep on top of all our bills and expenses, so it’s hard for me to understand why he would take his money and spend it on the gas and other things he will buy and do while he is with his brother. I under stand now that the employment and anger is probably related to the ADHD, but what about the need to just get up and go is that also part of it? Would it help my husband and his ADHD to go away for a couple days should I help support him in this.
Any thought’s or insight on this would be appreciated.
Thanks
yes
Submitted by ellamenno on
the getting up and going is escaping.
Maybe he can look into treatment again? I'm sure the drugs have changed quite a bit since he was on them? Is he willing to address his ADD?
Thanks for getting back to
Submitted by Believer on
Thanks for getting back to me. Is escaping a common coping method for ADHD individual's when things get to be overwhelming for them? He does not want to take any medication right now at this point and say's he might might go to counseling but he has to think about it first, as it didn't work for him in the past. That is why I am also curious of alternative treatment's using natural/herbal treatments as he might consider trying this out. He said the marijuana had helped him in the past and wanted to start using again, I am not sure about this either and am concerned it would make it worse.
Thanks
again, yes.
Submitted by ellamenno on
When things got overwhelming for me I would always choose an 'out.' Give up on whatever it was I was doing and try something new. This often would cost money I didnt' have (new program, new degree, new job, learning a new skill to change 'career' if I could ever say i had one...) The pattern would repeat itself year after year, failure after failure.
I went through a phase when I first got to college (only 2-3 months) when I smoked pot a few times a week. My friends loved it, but I hated it because it made me even more confused, stupid and tired than I already felt and I would be in a fog for days afterward. (an even thicker fog than my usual ADD fog!) So it would never work for me. I had friends who turned into speed freaks and I thought to myself, 'Jeez! who would want to be so frantic and full of excess energy???" If only i'd joined them, my grades would've been better! I've been on Adderall for 6 months now and it's helped me tremendously. I WANTED to change though and have been making a HUGE effort to put routines in place to run the household better, get more work etc... If all you do is take adderall and don't make any other changes, you just get really good at whatever it is that you happen to be doing, and if that is playing games on the computer, it's just going to make your scores higher - not change your life. you have to actively pursue change. And expect that you will still fail sometimes and learn how to handle it without falling apart.
Thank you, Ellamenno
Submitted by SherriW13 on
I think this sums up my husband's entire exsistence...when ANYTHING gets too complicated/hard...he's just off to something new and easy...until it gets too hard. You said it best...expect that you'll fail sometimes and learn how to handle it without falling apart. My God, I've never had it said so simply, but so truthfully.
Escaping is very common. If
Submitted by jon37 on
Escaping is very common. If I'm getting into it with my girlfriend all I want to do is shut myself in my room with my computer games; as a teenager I used to go on drives to nowhere in particular (gas was $.90/gal then, the good old days)
It seems bizarre to me that he'd want to try one medication (marijuana/THC) that is illegal but not another that is legal (prescription medicines). THC is not the drug for ADHD though, I'm afraid. It's really not the set of effects you want in any sense.
Natural/herbal treatments sometimes help a little when they correct things missing in the diet, but they aren't going to solve everything. In my experience adderall/etc is much better. It takes some effort to get the dose right, and also to see the ultimate effects. If you take just one, it's very different than taking it on a daily basis. But if he doesn't like it because he feels wired or etc, he can always ask the dr. for a smaller dose!
BTW, this is my personal opinion, but I think the drive to drug use among ADHDers is not just from self medication, but also for a desire for new, unique experiences. Drugs (at least based on my experience with alcohol) make the world seem different, interesting, and new. It helps also that when drunk/stoned, you can blame ADHD things on being drunk/stoned.
If you asked me if there was one drug that I'd want to try if they were legal, I'd choose LSD - reading about the experiences people have had on it is so enchanting. I don't want a high, I want to see things.
When it comes to drugs, there's also the risk that ADHD kids, marginalized by schools and so on, fall in with the "loser" crowd, which is a good way to get involved with drugs.