My husband is diagnosed but untreated. I just feel like I'm lost. I'm out of energy and burned out and don't know what to do to get over the anger, disappointment, and resentment.
This morning is a typical example. He was supposed to be up to deal with a contractor about a problem with our home. He knows WAY more about this than I do. He was well aware of the appointment time and even said several times yesterday evening that he had to be up to handle it. Well, he stayed up until 6am this morning watching a new series on Netflix. Now, he's tired and "needs his rest", so guess who has to deal with the contractor. I can't even make the final decision because it's his credit card. So... waste of time, and now the man has to come out again another day. I know this is how it goes, usually, so I was up, showered and ready early. I'm working on the housework and laundry. We go over the next day's list every night, but I can't count on him to follow through.
I think that is the worst thing. I can't count on him for anything. I do the majority of the housework, and 99% of the mental work of running a home. He doesn't work. Right now, he spends more time in bed than he does out of it. On a good day, he might be out of bed 12 hours. He doesn't sleep all that time. He plays on his phone and watches TV a LOT. I feel like the only adult in the relationship. I've kind of forced cooking dinner on him, but I still have to do all the planning, shopping, tell him what to make, and, of course, remind him it's time to start cooking. As of last Saturday, the lease is up on our car, but he hasn't dealt with that either. It's in his name, so I can't.
He claims he does so much, that he doesn't have time to do things. It makes me want to scream. Most days, he does nothing more than get a shower, eat a meal, maybe cook dinner, and possibly make the bed. I'm not kidding! It is that bad. And when I ask him what all he did, there is silence or anger, lashing out that he "gets things done" but can't tell me what things they were.
I'm learning that is likely isn't going to get better. At 57, this is who he is and how he is going to be for the rest of his life. It feels like I'm grieving, like I've lost the relationship I thought we were going to have, that he said he wanted. I'm lonely. I feel alone even though he is in the next room.
Can someone tell me examples of how to live my life without expecting anything of him? That doesn't compute in my head.