i have been reading here for a while, learning a lot from all of you - but now i need some help and possibly a kick in the pants!
back story (short): ex-bf and i dated for 2.5 years. he is undiagnosed ADHD but diagnosed with depression, took meds for that but wasn't getting better. when i brought up the possibility of ADHD - after a long time of feeling like sh*t, going nowhere, our arguments seemed to spiral into a confusing mess. the start of the relationship was typical hyperfocus (though i didn't know about ADHD at the time). the end was very abrupt. we hadn't been doing well, both of us were under a lot of stress about it ... and he suddenly said "i can't do this" "i don't want this anymore" and literally walked out.
we talked a few days later but it was like a brick wall...he was so closed. i felt like i didn't know him and i was (again) screaming to be heard. so i left...i shut down, died, fell apart, started therapy for myself etc... but really missed him. 3 months after the breakup, i initiated contact again and we met a few times, talked about the relationship, what happened - rather, i talked about my issues (perfectionist behavior, self-esteem, etc..). when we broke up, he promised he'd get ADHD testing and promised to give me the results (his words). he never did.
i told him i missed him. he was surprised, said he'd have to think about it.
a month later, he told me he was dating someone.
and i lost it. yelled and yelled at him... we'd been having pretty intense talks of our relationship - how his behaviors affected me, down to our sex life. and he waits until all that is over to tell me he's dating someone new??!
that woman was on the other side of the country. - 3000 miles away. wtf??
since that night, i haven't talked with him at all. i am so hurt and angry at the way he treated me during the relationship and after. furious actually, and deeply hurt.
yesterday i found out that he's moved to her city, moved in with her and is working there. all within less than a year.
i know he's not good for me. i know i felt like sh*t with him - undermined, dismissed, ignored. and i know i abandoned myself. i will NEVER do that again. and yet, i feel so awful, another kick in the gut, learning that he's moved.
i am still in therapy and working on my issues. as far as i know, he's not.
i just need someone to offer some insight, shed some light and explain this. i know things in my head, i just need someone else to say it.