Need ways to control nons frustration

Ok so I am the non, my husband is the adhder. We have had are ups and downs in our marriage just like most adhd relationships. I love my adhder very much! He has many good qualities as a person, husband, and father. I have been trying to learn about adhd because I want to keep my marriage, I know the way I deal with his adhd affects our relationship as much as the adhd. I am trying to look past all of your old crap and start looking and treating our marriage in a new way. I have always know he had adhd however I never took the time to learn about it until recently. Now I am realizing most of our problems are very common in adhd marriages. My adhder has abused his meds in the past so now he is not taking them and does not want to try them again (maybe a good thing?). Anyway, we nearly spilt up recently that is what prompted me to learn more about adhd. Once we made up and got back on track our relationship got back into the hyper-focuse stage (I love that stage!). Things were good, I learned that the small annoyances (leaving cabinets doors open, water running, frige door open...stuff like that) was not intentional and not anything I should be making an issue about. Will here is the kicker, a few months ago my hubby did not slow down at all for a dip in the road and he put a big hole in my radiator (pt cruiser) this left me with 3 kids, class to go to, and no ride for 6 weeks (lack of $ to fix). Finally my adhder fixed my car. A few weeks later he took my car to save gas (he has big truck), and once again he didn't slow down for a dip and put a hole in my radiator. He put in a new radiator (only took two weeks) but my car still will not start. Turns out he didn't know (lack of attention) the car was overheating while he was driving on the highway and my engine is blown. I still owe 5K on this car, I have no way of paying to fix it until tax return leaving me with no ride all winter (He has a truck but must use it for work) Needless to say I got really pissed off at him, now the hyper-focuse stage is over. = ( I can look past the small things but this is big, he doesn't seem sorry and doesn't seem to understand what he has done. I know I didn't handle it in the best way (yelling, but NO name calling) I tried to apologize to him but he will not accept it. He feels that I had no reason to be that mad. My adhder holds all of his emotions in until its a big blow out, I however am a very expressive person (good or bad), I don't hold it it. I don't belive that I should walk on egg shells and pretend the big things are not big. I know my reactions affect the situation, I am working on reacting in better ways. Any Ideas on how to deal with the big things in life without tearing down the progress we have made?