Needing help....the space between knowing there's a problem and going nuclear

Guys, I'm looking for support and help from both nons and those with ADHD on the site. It's been a tough few days. Hurt feelings, rage, resentment and more. I know I don't want to be in a marriage like this, I deserve better....but when the DX has happened within the year and we haven't found our footing but dang, it's really taken hold, what can be done besides working on myself. 


It can't be that I just have to continue like this, in a way that isn't true to me or my values, and wait for the day that he finally has some self awareness?? Yesterday had an expolsive conversation that at it's core was me needing to express a need/want/desire. And it just blew up. And I hate it. But I have to matter too. 

My question is this: when times are like this and its tough and you know there are avenues to take, and one of the avenues is the extreme of leaving (going nuclear), how do you sift through this all?? Like do I just need to sit through and ride it out or what? I'm not really sure I want to leave or can leave at this time. I also have a son and I do have to consider him. I'm also in another country. This is my home so there is not somewhere else to go (and the laws here are in favour of the mom as long as she's in good standing).

I havent read the books yet, but im working on Boundary boss. Finding it tough. I'm doing the work on MEand me alone. I refuse to work on a partnership that isn't a real partnership. But bringing anything up to him is jist dismissal, denial and deflection. EVERY. DAY. its just exhasting. 

So what has everyone's process looked like? Does anyone have any advice for me? What about that space and time between you know you don't want to live like this but you aren't sure going nuclear is the right option at this time. And when we haven't even tried counselling, how does that convo work?? 

I'm going to get Melissa's book and even if he doesn't do thr work, I'm fine to continue working on myself. But this is not something that I want to role model for my son. Its shit. And heartbreaking. And hurtful. Its hard to see past thr pain and hurt to be honest. Oh and I'm also in therapy but even then, when it's tough some days you gotta take a break

 Le sigh.