I think it's important to keep in mind that most "needs" are actually desires; and most things that we say we or our partners "can't" do are actually things that we or our partners won't do. Despite biology, including the wiring of brains of people with ADHD and the brains of people without ADHD, nearly everything is a choice, not an immutable process. So, if you're married and you don't like what your partner does or doesn't do, accept that it's your choice to stay married or to split. Whichever you do, own the decision. If you have ADHD, acknowledge the challenges and then do something about them. If you don't want to, own that decision, too.
I express these views based on my experience of choosing to marry someone whose values and behaviors that bothered me were apparent early on. And I chose to stay married despite the problems not going away. Right or wrong, I chose to stay married and then I chose to get a divorce. Accepting my role actually helps me adjust to my circumstances.
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I made a choice to stay with a husband that was abusive for years. After 17 years, I decided to divorce. It was a difficult decision, and one that I did not make lightly. I own every choice I made then and now.
Well Said PoisonIvy
Submitted by c ur self on
It doesn't get any plainer than this....I don't think we should dump everyone in the same basket when it comes to mental capacity (ability to "understand" the ramifications of their choices) ...But, I think you have covered by far the large majority of us (adhd or not)....And I think you also exposed the #1 on going reason for conflict in marriages...Refusal to take ownership of decisions....Which plays out in multiple dynamics...All of them bad....
Submitted by bowlofpetunias on
Ths can be a little tricky. Just because something is a choice or a desire does not mean that it is something that is not inherent.
My wife used to be convinced that she could get me to love seafood. I hate fish. So, yes, I choose not to eat fish--because I hate the taste. (To me, even the freshest fish tastes like it has gone bad.) I can choose to eat fish, but I will hate it. I can not choose to like fish.
On a more universal level, most of of choose not do something that causes extreme physical pain. But our aversion to extreme physical pain is not itself a choice.