Needs versus desires; can't versus won't

I think it's important to keep in mind that most "needs" are actually desires; and most things that we say we or our partners "can't" do are actually things that we or our partners won't do.  Despite biology, including the wiring of brains of people with ADHD and the brains of people without ADHD, nearly everything is a choice, not an immutable process.  So, if you're married and you don't like what your partner does or doesn't do, accept that it's your choice to stay married or to split. Whichever you do, own the decision. If you have ADHD, acknowledge the challenges and then do something about them.  If you don't want to, own that decision, too.

I express these views based on my experience of choosing to marry someone whose values and behaviors that bothered me were apparent early on.  And I chose to stay married despite the problems not going away.  Right or wrong, I chose to stay married and then I chose to get a divorce. Accepting my role actually helps me adjust to my circumstances.