Nervous Breakdown

I currently am going insane and I can't control it.  I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and no help from boyfriend instead he is sitting on the world.

here is some back story

I've been with my boyfriend whom has ADHD, for almost two years.  After about 6 months of dating I discovered I was pregnant, and the world wind of change accrued.  My bf started getting scary angry right before we found out I was 8 weeks pregnant.  To the point of which we broke up because I felt uncomfortable, this amazing man I fell in love with was showing me a dark side.  He claimed the anger was from his quitting cigarettes, but I've learned that to be false.  During the pregnancy he was distant which left me to be alone, scarred and feeling so unwanted.  Then I have out son and I fall into post partum depression.  My bf spends his time out at night and away from me during the day alone with a newborn.  While he was so distant from me he gets close to another girl but never physically cheats.  His friendship only lasts about a month and then he claims she was just a drama queen and that's why they stopped being friends.  We still are both distant and my depression is getting worse.  Fast forward to July and I catch him talking to his exgf where he tells here that he loves her, he should never have left her and that he is only with me because of our son.  I try to trust him but in all honesty I still don't.  He tells me it's my fault that he did all this and takes no ownership of his actions, as if I held a gun to his head telling him to betray me.  I was lonely, I wanted attention and you know what I never told anyone else that I loved them, in fact I told ever guy who talked to me about how much I love my bf.  I also would like to add when guys talk to me which aren't common I tell my bf because I don't want secrets like that.  When I talk to him about it, he says he deserves privacy, which feels like a slap in the face.  Two weeks later at the beginning of august I lost my job leaving us with no income because my bf refuses to work.  Which brings me to the money, he spends nonstop.  We were fortunate enough that family gave us enough money to help us out for a month or two, it lasted 2 weeks and now we are in a huge hole.  In two days the power company is turning off our power.  Also he gets these anger fits where he screams, in front of our 6 month old, where our son is hysterical crying.  He also pushes and punched me once all while I'm holding our son.  

This being said, where does the line of ADHD end and the line of abuse begin?  

I entered this relationship a confident, happy, beautiful woman, now I'm a paranoid, lonely, self loathing, stressed girl.

line

kat, the behavior you describe isn't adhd behavior. It is absolutely abuse. Screaming, hitting and punching is abuse. ADHD is not an excuse for it, and most people with ADHD are not violent. I am so concerned that your boyfriend hit you while you were holding your baby. 

Why are you with this man? He at least emotionally cheats on you while you have his baby and spends money you don't have, which you are liable for. There is nothing about this relationship that is healthy. The guy you met is not coming back. You need to be there for your child. Please see a doctor and get help for your depression (which is absolutely understandable, given your situation, and postpartum depression is a common and serious condition). Confide in your family and friends. Reach out to a counselor or someone who can help. Get out and take your child out of this. Don't wait around hoping that your boyfriend will magically wake up and stop this behavior and start behaving decently toward you. 

My best to you. 

 

Leave with your son

lynninny is right, kat. This is way over the line. At 6 months old your son is observing this, it is becoming part of his model of the world and he must be very frightened when the anger and screaming starts.  Get him to a safe, quiet place. He should not be around this. Things could get worse if the electricity is shut off, you must be very concerned about that and about the money situation tipping him into even worse anger. So get your son to a safer place and stop subjecting yourself to this guy's attempts to control and humilate you.  If you've kept this situation a secret because you are ashamed, stop that now and tell other people.  People who care about you will not think worse of you, just do it.

Also, you might end up in a battle over access so keep written records of outbursts, shouting or abuse, how much interaction and time he has with your son and so on (just be factual), and if you leave keep records of when he sees your son, how he behaves, whether he shows up on time and so on.

Is he on medication? He does have rights to his son but try to make it a condition of seeing the child that he agrees not to show anger during time with him and that he addresses his anger with his prescribing doctor.

My Son

When he is angry and starts yelling, I take our son and put him in his crib so that he is safe.  The problem is my bf follows me and screams at me.  I tell him to leave the room because I'm trying to calm our son down and let him know that he didn't do anything (our son).  Then my boyfriend will scream and yell at me telling me that I f***ed up and that I'm ruining everything.  I've talked to his mother about it but I haven't said anything about the physical attacks, they just started within the last month.  I've tried to break up with him and it turns into a him throwing and breaking things and telling me that I'm abandoning him like everyone else in his life.  I try to reason with him and tell him that his son must come first and that he needs to think of him.  I even told him I'm feeling trapped because I've gotten to the point where I'm so miserable and I have to calm him down and the only way to calm him is saying that I will help him.  

He just started taking adderral like two days ago but before that he was self medicating with pot.  

Please leave

Your son is not safe in the crib.

Try for an emergency appt

Do your best to get an emergency appointment for him, preferably at the dr who prescribed Adderall. If at all possible be there at the appt. Explain to your bf that this is not to blame him, it is to get help for him because he is upset and he cannot be upset around his little boy. If there is a long wait time is there some sort of clinic you can get to (not even a psych one but a general one). Do you think his mother would help you in telling him that getting help immediately will make things better for him and all of you?

I hear you, you're trying to keep things together. But he gets out of control and the reasons don't much matter at this point - he m-u-s-t be calm around his child and you. His life can be better but right now he has no choice but to calm down and get to a doctor.  Can your baby stay with someone else until you get the power on at least?  (Having the power off is a great excuse for placing the baby with someone else while things get sorted out).

hard

I hear how hard you are working to try to hold this together and keep things calm. I am so sorry you are in this situation. But this is not ok--it does not matter why he is doing it. His throwing and breaking things is not ok--he is frightening you into not leaving him and it is not working. It is not going to stop unless you stop it. Your son is not safe in the crib and you should not have to put up with this for one more second.

Don't try to break up with him--break up with him. Have a plan ready. Please tell someone about the physical attacks. If he will not leave, then take your son and leave. Calmly let him know that if he gets violent again you will call the police. Then do it. Please be aware that abusive people get the most abusive when their victims are trying to leave them. Again, please tell someone who can help you:-)

I know this is so hard. I am so sorry. But I know you can do it. My very best to you. 

Mental break down

You should leave him if he's not willing to get help.Though I know this post is really old.Still people with adhd can hurt people they care about.Though after the fights they will forget it ever happened.Along with the emotions that was thrown out or anything hurtful they said.They wont remember any of it or understand the scar they cause others to have over it.

I have adhd and when I fight with my bf I never remember what I said or what he said.It's all a blur and the only thing I remember is us being really under happy.I end up not even knowing why we were fighting in the first place.

I know if I heard a baby crying that sound would cause me to freak out.I wonder if your bf is freaking out due to the crying.That would make sense.Then when that happens you lose any logical thinking and lose control.For me I will start hitting myself in the head or wanting to break every bone in my body to make it stop.Even with medication and seeing a doctor those episodes still happen at times.You have to really work on improving on it.So during an episode they aren't the person you know.They are like an animal thrashing around in pain.So there is no reasoning with them during that time.Until they have drained all the energy from them.For me the sound of a baby crying would equal to the physical pain of hearing a really high pitching sound that would cause your ears to bleed.That's how it feels for that person.

Though your bf doesn't sound like he will ever improve or care to improve.So he's a hopeless cause.

Also they think adhd could be hereditary so your son might end up having it.