I currently am going insane and I can't control it. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and no help from boyfriend instead he is sitting on the world.
here is some back story
I've been with my boyfriend whom has ADHD, for almost two years. After about 6 months of dating I discovered I was pregnant, and the world wind of change accrued. My bf started getting scary angry right before we found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. To the point of which we broke up because I felt uncomfortable, this amazing man I fell in love with was showing me a dark side. He claimed the anger was from his quitting cigarettes, but I've learned that to be false. During the pregnancy he was distant which left me to be alone, scarred and feeling so unwanted. Then I have out son and I fall into post partum depression. My bf spends his time out at night and away from me during the day alone with a newborn. While he was so distant from me he gets close to another girl but never physically cheats. His friendship only lasts about a month and then he claims she was just a drama queen and that's why they stopped being friends. We still are both distant and my depression is getting worse. Fast forward to July and I catch him talking to his exgf where he tells here that he loves her, he should never have left her and that he is only with me because of our son. I try to trust him but in all honesty I still don't. He tells me it's my fault that he did all this and takes no ownership of his actions, as if I held a gun to his head telling him to betray me. I was lonely, I wanted attention and you know what I never told anyone else that I loved them, in fact I told ever guy who talked to me about how much I love my bf. I also would like to add when guys talk to me which aren't common I tell my bf because I don't want secrets like that. When I talk to him about it, he says he deserves privacy, which feels like a slap in the face. Two weeks later at the beginning of august I lost my job leaving us with no income because my bf refuses to work. Which brings me to the money, he spends nonstop. We were fortunate enough that family gave us enough money to help us out for a month or two, it lasted 2 weeks and now we are in a huge hole. In two days the power company is turning off our power. Also he gets these anger fits where he screams, in front of our 6 month old, where our son is hysterical crying. He also pushes and punched me once all while I'm holding our son.
This being said, where does the line of ADHD end and the line of abuse begin?
I entered this relationship a confident, happy, beautiful woman, now I'm a paranoid, lonely, self loathing, stressed girl.