My husband is from the USA. I'm from the UK. This is a second marriage for both of us. Me because my first husband died. Him due to divorce. I realize now that I jumped into the marriage,my first husband was NORMAL and looking back I was lonely and so missing him I convinced myself that this new guy was equally the deal. The signs were there though. He'd forget to turn up to family events we'd been invited to,or turn up late. He always claimed to truly love me,want to do stuff to make up for all the hurt I'd gone through,he was big on words (still is ) but often failed to follow with the practical.
I've always had the feeling that his thoughtlessness and self centered behavior is not deliberate,he genuinely hasn't a clue. If I'm upset or in need of support he will often ignore me and is disgruntled if I point out what I need from him...thinking he is the one being wronged. This is also a pattern with others he comes into contact with. He is a practicing Christian and this also baffles me that he can sit and listen to the Preacher and still not apply stuff to our relationship. I am normally a calm person but I'm ashamed to admit that in the beginning I would hit out at him, as his lack of reaction infuriated me...thankfully I now control myself better.
Needless to say I now fully understand why his first wife divorced him on the grounds of unreasonable behavior. They have 3 children, he did very little to help in the home. I now do all the cleaning,cooking,gardening and work. To top it all he has a downer on my child and constantly brings up negative comments about them (no ones perfect but believe me this isn't a bad kid we are talking about).
When I mention that perhaps we would be better parting he comes over all persecuted quoting his ex wife experiences,or ignores me (hoping it will all go away?). I also know that if I did manage to part from him he would be devastated! However there is only so much I can take. We have no shared children, this marriage( I thought) was about love,support and companionship in our middle and latter years....all I'm getting is increasing stress. It could be so different, he can take me on lovely days out but fails on the o so important small(but not so small) stuff that cements a relationship.
Help anyone...there's no one for me to talk this over with.