New and feeling alone


I'm new to the forums (been lurking for a while) and I'm feeling very alone so I felt it was time to post.  I hope I'm in the right spot. 

A bit of history - my DH was diagnosed w/ADHD, anxiety and "mild depression" around March of '09.  We were referred to a psychologist from our marriage counselor as she felt he might be bi-polar.  My son (10) is also ADHD and was diagnosed when he was around 6 yrs. old.  We also share another son (3) and we have been married for 11+ yrs.

DH was put on meds and neither one of us thought about the ADHD or the depression again - up until now.  Of course our marriage is struggling (to put it mildly) again and we are back at the counselors.  I feel that he has more then "mild" depression that needs to be treated and I'm also wondering if the dosage of his ADHD meds is high enough (it has never been changed since he first started it).  He sleeps constantly and doesn't enjoy the things he used to enjoy.  If he's awake the TV is on and he can't take his focus off of it.  My son could be eating chlorox tabs in front of him and he would be oblivious to it (no that hasn't happened).  If he is awake and the TV isn't on - he is in a fowl mood.

Our counselor has yet to bring up his depression or ADHD in our sessions.  I know she's trying to modify his behavior but I worry that if we don't treat the ADHD/depression then he's going to struggle even more trying to modify his behavior.  Since we've started counseling our communication has pretty much been non-existant.  I've tried to back off and change my behavior to help him (and myself) but even that doesn't seem to be helping.  The counselor felt like I was too controlling of his finances since I was aware of the balance in his checking account (-$125) so I removed my name from his account thus not allowing me to see his balance on-line.  I've got to say - this scares the snot out of me!  He's never been financially responsible.  I joke and say he believes "if there are checks in the checkbook - there must be money in the account" but it really isn't a joke.  How do I draw the line between being concerned and being controlling?  I'm concerned if he doesn't take more responsibility financially that our family will be affected.

I'm starting to struggle - a lot!  Last night I cried myself to sleep.  I have no support from family or friends.  Most of my friends that I do talk to aren't in state and can't always be reached in my "times of need".  No one around me understands how this is affecting me and my family.  They all think he just needs to grow up & quit being lazy. 

A while back we talked about his ADHD and discussed that we both needed to learn more about it.  I've researched and read and I don't think he's done a thing.  He is in a job that is respected by many so I worry that he's afraid if he admits he has a problem that people might find out.

Right now I'm running out of steam.  I'm wearing down & that is scaring me.  I want to be there to support him and I want our marriage to work but if he won't let me what can I do?  He's admitted he's pushing me & the kids away and I think his depression is getting worse by the day.  Two weeks between counselor appointments seems like an eternity.  I know I need to take things day by day but what can I do when I feel like I'm at the end of my rope?