I must say that I can relate to everyone else's posts.
The worst is the loneliness. The hyper focus on the computer and the virtual social life that he created on Facebook that I am excluded from, and the safety in intimacy with strangers, which avoids any intimacy with me, be it social, personal or sexual. I wonder what he is doing here at all, just sitting there, would he even notice if I was gone. This is the real problem and the chaos and the support that he needs for that are draining and that makes the above all the more painful.
It is almost like an implicit agreement that I give him what he needs otherwise he does not cope well.
When I assert my needs and start to put boundaries in he says that I am a bully, that I am misinterpreting him, when I am holding him to account for his actions and asking him to do something about it.
There is a lot of positives but i'm starting to wonder how much of it is adhd and if it is consciously manipulative, like calling me a bully when he cannot get his own way, that has probably worked in the past or calling me tactless and saying that he is not the only one to point it out (which is true).
Also the damage that he causes and the fact that he does not listen until the talking becomes shouting because I am so frustrated with having the same conversation over and over again and not getting anywhere. He lacks common sense, he super glued the slats of our bed to the rails so they do not move anymore he draped wet sheets over the furniture to dry off as it would give them a larger surface area.He broke the sofa, the bed, ruined my sheets, mattress and bedlinen and then thought I was being petty until I added up the cost in concrete terms and told him it came to nearly £1000. Then he whinged to his therapist about going to Ikea, he did not say that I had asked him to go to make him accountable for paying for damaged items, he just made it sound like I was forcing him to go and when I asked him he said it was fine, but then sulked about and threw me resentful glances all the way there, during and back again. So when I said that I asked you if you wanted to go and you said yes, it's not my fault that you can't say no and are not prepared to make amends or fix the damage that you caused and if I was really fair I should have charged him for the petrol it cost to get there as he doesn't drive, I was a bully again.
The latest thing is sweating ammonia, I have empathy for him but it causes a lot of work, he says all you have to do is talk to me, but he never listens and never does anything about it, causing me to get frustrated and resentful as I have to do it as I cannot live in a house like that, my legs itch and now I had an infection on my leg which made me ill for a week, though the cause cannot be directly attributed to that, it did not make it easy to keep the wound clean when I was running around like an idiot trying to keep on top of everything while feeling like crap.
I really don't know what else to say as I read this back it makes him sound awful, but I also know that a lot of it is not conscious and that making someone responsible is a long lengthy process.