New and at my end


I want to start by saying this web site has been a blessing to me.  I am the non ADD wife who was thinking I was going crazy until I found this forum. Some of these stories we could of written ourselves. As I  was reading them I started to cry, because 18 years of not understanding came flooding out. I would look around at other families and they didn't seem to go through what we did. His anger I thought was from his child hood along with his not being able to communicate .The outbursts and rage that would come with no warning.  The not paying bills or following through on any of his responsibility's . I would sit and wonder why everything else would seem more important than me or the kids. He would always remember to do the things that were important to him. ( coaching-hunting, etc.)  But , when I would ask him to take out the trash or something needed to be done it was upsetting to him. I am writing because I have no one to talk to about this and really feel like I am at my end.  I have so much guilt for not being able to give my children the life I wanted them to have as far as a stable family. The impact on them is so apparent now. My son gets a vocal tic when the stress gets really bad I have spent years being told that it was my fault and how I don't respect him.

On the bright side he always coached the kids and has always worked. I know he loves the kids and would do anything for them. Unfortunately all the bad stuff over  rides the good. I am at the point of exhaustion and divorce because I don't see  any hope. He did  read a post I sent him from here and he is going to talk to someone tomorrow and is getting evaluated. I  was supposed to go because the counselor  wanted  me to go but he has changed his mind

 I know everyday I have to get up and hold it together for my kids because they don't deserve this. I know this sounds stupid but I feel like I am broken.

Thank you for listening.