New and in need of help

I'm new to this forum.  Just found it today and am relieved that I might be able to find some help and answers for my family.  I am married with two kids.  My husband has ADD.  In addition I have a almost 7 year old son with high functioning Autism and a 7 year old daughter with Sensory Issues although she manages well now.  My husband travels 20 days a month and honestly life is much easier when he is gone.  Truth be told I'm crying typing all of this.  I feel like between his ADD and my sons Autism I am a losing my mind.  I have to manage everyone and in the end there is nothing left for me.  After 8 long years I finally convince my dh to see a therapist (he is not medicated and cannot be due to his work) and he went for 2 months and we saw improvement.  He stopped going and things are going down hill again.  With both children in school full time I decided to start my own business out of my home.  My dh agreed to help by picking up some of the household responsibilities when he is home but he hasnt.  I wanted one thing for myself.  I feel like I have had to sacrifice so much in order to manage his behavior.  He has been home for 5 days and I've not gotten to spend one hour "working".  I have a big deadline 3 weeks away and may have to pull out of the committment.  He sits on the couch all day watching tv.  Nothing gets done.  In order for things to get done I literally have to sit and walk him through each and every thing.  We've assigned tasks to help him manage and those don't even get done without me constantly reminding him or watching over him.  In the past I have taken the approach that I won't remind him / stand over him/ do it for him.  The issue there is that after a week or so he leaves and then I am stuck eaither living for two weeks in a HUGE mess or picking it all up.  I feel like I have had to sacrifice so much and that I am disappearing.  I don't even know who I am anymore.  I love my husband but in many ways he is harder to handle than the child with Autism.