My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We have three amazing children. He was diagnosed with ADHD last year. Our middle child was also diagnosed with ADHD two years ago.
Before he was diagnosed we had our issues. He loved spending time on the internet. He would look for old girlfriends or download porn. When I caught him, he would apologize and say he would never do it again, but he did. He flirts with all female co-workers and hides his phone and IPad so he doesn't have to explain his behavior. When I call him out on it he explodes. He has broken two laptops because he gets easily frustrated. He has Low Frustration Tolerance. I tell him this bothers me but he claims he forgot all these incidents. He also forgets everything and blames me for it. If I move his keys to put them on our key hooks, he gets mad. He is mad when there is clutter from our kids. Is this behavior related to ADHD or is this a deeper issue?
He was put on Adderall but he stopped because he lost so much weight. He has very low self esteem. I've tried changing his diet, suggest exercising and getting counseling to help us with our issues. He agrees and then he fizzles out after a few weeks. I don't know how to help him see his commitments through. I have never been around someone with ADHD so I don't know how to handle these situations. Do all individuals with ADHD engage in risky behavior or is this a personal issue? I love him but I am wondering if I am going to spend the next ten years reminding him that he needs to set a better example for our son and daughters. Are there some books to help me? I don't believe in divorce so I need all the help I can helping this sometimes amazing man.
Thank you for letting me vent.
Welcome and nice to meet you
Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on
I am new here too. I recommend looking through the many forums and comments. I felt relief knowing I was not the only one suffering what I felt was a unique situation. ADHD is complicated to me since I just go on what is naturally logical to me. Learn as much as you can. I recommend Orlov's books. I got both of them and am reading them. Just know that you are not alone, you are not "crazy" although at times you may feel like you are since things that should be simple to resolve aren't. Learn to be compassionate and listen so you can understand, without interrupting. I am trying to not speak the moment I am angry but wait a day and see if I feel the same since for my husband, he can explode or be mad and then 10 minutes later, its over and I am left ticked off. Get stronger because you are in for a ride. If he is sometimes amazing, learn more about that man. Low self esteem is terrible and at times I find that I can make him feel worse so try to sympathize, empathize and have open communication. We are all learning- hang on.
Thanks!
Submitted by TXGB04 on
It is so nice to know that I am not the only one going through tough issues. I have learned a lot about child and adolescent ADD/ ADHD. I am a Special Education teacher but dealing with my husband's ADHD is completely different. He doesn't respond well when I try to suggest using visuals and alarms to help remind him of his responsibility. I ordered Orlov's books yesterday so I am ready to start reading them. I need all the help I can get. It is overwhelming having my 9 year old with ADHD and my husband. I feel like I am neglecting my older son and toddler. I am about to have surgery in June and I am so worried that my husband won't be able to help me out. If things don't go the way he wants them to he blows up and shuts down.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. All I want is a break and someone to help me out instead of me wearing my self out for everyone else.
Hi, I think this is more than ADHD
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
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He has broken two laptops because he gets easily frustrated. He has Low Frustration Tolerance.
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Since you wrote that in caps, does that mean he was Dx'd with that?
My H also has a very low frustration tolerance.
I am starting to think that ADHD is either just a symptom or aspect to ANOTHER mental issue....often depression, anxiety, addiction, OCD, bi-polar, a personality disorder, or something else.
My H has a personality disorder, OCD, anxiety, depression, and alcoholism. Drinking makes it all worse. For years, he hid his drinking from me....drinking only at night after I went to sleep.
Your H's obsession with porn, contacting old GF's, and hiding his phone/iPad is a huge concern. BTW....you can always check his phone activity online thru your provider.
Does your H see a Clinical Therapist? If not, he should.