new to the blog

I know this isn't a new topic--I literally just stumbled upon this blog looking for help in a completely different area!  I'm completely ASTONISHED that I never before put the behaviors on the ADHD!  I've been with K for 6 years and ever since we moved in together I have wondered if I was in an abusive relationship.  He's a hard-core stoner as well, which as you can imagine may make him feel like he feels better, but it does nothing for our relationship.  We were supposed to get married this week and I called it off because the fighting from planning got ridiculous.  I'm so tired of feeling like there's no room for me to speak my mind or have my opinions without a blowout from him , and with all the name calling.  I know he spends all his "good boy" points at work and what I get is a stoned/sexually needy and aggressive person.  It's incredible how literally every single time I feel totally solid and balanced and strong he tips the boat and it starts all over again.  I don't feel like I have a partner, I feel like I have this potential monster who may or may not scream at me for an hour about everything he hates about me when he gets mad.  Oh, he also has PTSD.  It's awesome.  I won't lie, I fantasize constantly about leaving---I don't have the funds.  I also worry about the role I play in this and whether or not it will be different if I move on.  Maybe if I stopped with the stoners/adhd-ers........

A near escape

Welcome.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  Good job calling off the wedding.  The first step to taking care of yourself is to recognize there is a problem.  Especially one you can't control.  It does sound like his behavior can be explained by really poorly managed ADHD.  Also pot can cause some of these issues with long term heavy use.  But if he does have ADHD, using pot is not a good choice for self medication.  It can exacerbate many of the negative symptoms, like paranoia, and lack of initiative. 

Hopefully you can save the money or take advantage of the generosity of friends and family to start out on your own.  You deserve a better life.  If you do decide to try to work things out make sure you get a commitment from him to get help.  Fair warning though, it is a long hard road that rarely gets smoother.  It takes real dedication by the ADHD person, and their loved ones, to make lasting changes.  Be realistic about whether he would actually follow through day after day, year after year.

Also keep in mind, those mean things he's yelling, are really being yelled by the symptoms and are not really personal.  Repeat this to yourself until you believe it through and through.

Best wishes