New to the diagnosis of ADHD

Hi! Recently my 9 year old son was diagnosed with ADD, inattentive type. As my husband and I were going through the array of questions I realized that our 13 year old son exhibits strong symptoms as well as my husband of 17 years! This revelation is both exciting and frightening. Currently, we are meeting with a Clinical Psychologist specializing in adult ADHD shortly after the new year while having our 13 year old evaluated and  starting the 9 year old on medication. I am feeling completely overwhelmed. Under better circumstances I would be able to rely on a husband for help with the children and their ADHD issues but when the spouse has the same issues (perhaps worse) I don't have anyone to count on to help make sense of the important information and tips. How can a parent with ADHD help their kids with ADHD be successful?? And how can I manage the treatment for all 3???  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! 

Not as new to the ADD Diagnosis...

I was the first in my family with the ADD Diagnosis. As far as your husband is concerned, does he understand/believe the condition is legitimate? If he does, if he has it too, he could be your greatest ally in this situation.

I responded well to the Adderall and have read and studied the condition to help me and help my family in the process. My wife does not put too much weight into the diagnosis which hurts, but does not deter me from trying to be a better husband and father. Understand that post diagnosis is quite an emotional ride. Up's for explaining the way we can feel, Down's for realizing how we have hurt others unintentionally. Happiness for a better future, Remorse for what could have been if I were not so damned distracted in my youth. Oh and there is anger at those who treated me like I was an idiot, and Great sadness too.

Well I hope I have not rebuked my original positive point :-)

My mission is that if I suspect any of my children have ADD, I will NOT let them go through any part of their lives thinking they are lazy, crazy or stupid. I felt so bad for my mom when I was telling her about my ADD revelation and she asked if I was mad that she did not realize I had it as a child. I was not hyper and therefor not easy to spot. I was fidgety for sure, but not hyper.

If your husband accepts the ADD, whether he has it or not, this will really help you and the children.

Take care...

New to ADHD

Thank-you for your response! This does help tremendously especially coming from a man with ADD. I can completely understand grieving for what might have been had your diagnosis been made at a younger age. So, when does the realization come that past life dysfunctions were a result of the ADD? He has lost jobs that were always someone else's fault, he had a car reposed because of someone else's financial mistake, etc... My husband is very accepting of my son's diagnosis, is anxious for the testing to begin on the other son and is very willing to go thru his own evaluation because he knows that I know he ISN'T  lazy, crazy or stupid, that the problem isn't his fault. If he turns out to not have ADHD and he really IS lazy, crazy and stupid, well...that's a whole other problem...lol. Thanks again!

Realization

Once you see how the ADD affects you, and you start to get used to how you feel with the right meds, you begin to look back and see how these affects screwed this up for you in the past. I was a really good bass bone player, but did not keep playing because my sight reading skills were mediocre. Well, duh... I don't react well under pressure with things I have never seen before. I have over 170 hours of college and only an associates degree to show for it. I only got that because I got fired (the only time in my life from a stupid job) and that inspired me to go back to school, I hyper-focused on school and got an Electrical Engineering Technologies degree and made straight A's and one B. Ahhh hyper-focus. It is sad, and painful to look back at the could have/ should have's, but I look at the "Will Be's" now. I program and trouble-complex accounting systems with 2x the efficiency as before. The future can be bright, if I can continue to prove it to my "Send from Heaven Wife". I went from job to job, place to place until my wife accepted my hyper-focus on her. Now I refer to my life before as "BC" or Before C(insert her name). She is a beautiful woman who let me know early on that there were things she expected, IE No job to job and ZERO tolerance on cheating. I work well with very specific rules and guidelines.

Every Mistake is SOMEONE Else's Fault: It has to be because since childhood ADDer's have been wrong or at fault, always pointed out by others so we could feel belittled and embarrased because we did see it or it was an impulsive act.
The bottom line is we have been wrong so many times we try to convince ourselves and everyone else that it's not our fault. (IE I'm not That Stupid)

Good Luck :-)

Thinking ahead

Thank-you, once again, for your insight! I don't like to look back and mourn what might have been or have regrets for what has happened in the past. To me, that is torture. However, I have noticed that my husband loves to talk about the past (i.e his glory days living in So. California as the quintessential hippie) and never has visions for or makes plans for the future. We have actually had arguments about me planning his life for him and him just going with flow. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't want some control over planning a great vacation or a major purchase. Now I realize that his brain just won't let him think past the moment! I am overwhelmed with "aha" moments. One frustrating moment I can remember is my husband agreeing to take ballroom dance lessons with me. Looking back, that must have been pure torture for the guy! I thought he wasn't trying. I hope he can forgive me for any hurts I may have caused him over our 18 years together. Hopefully we'll call it even and just move on. Fortunately, we do love each other and we are truly committed to our life together. We have over come challenges like cancer(my own) and Hepatitis C (his) each of us being diagnosed 6 months apart. This family challenge of ADD seems to be the one with the brightest future, if treated properly. There were times when we felt as though the black cloud looming over our family would never lift. Now, being the eternal optimist, I can see answers to the past and the great potential we have as this awesome family!

 One question: Did you ever have this desire to hyper focus on everything that is wrong with the world?? My husband loves to listen to what I call "agitation radio" (talk shows where hosts argue, throw pot-shots at each other etc...) and often comes home from work complaining about how stupid his bosses are. He thrives on complaining about news articles, what's going wrong in our city and loves to watch "Hell's Kitchen" (Chef Ramsey gives me a stomach ache) and anything else that involves a lot of noise and adrenaline. This is hard for an optimist and peace lover such as myself to live with.

Blessings to you and yours for a wonderful New Year!

 

 

 

 

 

ADDer who is an Optimist

I am am optimist, in spite of my ADD, or maybe To Spite my ADD :-)

My use of the Hyper-Focus is on things that I can do or fix and since "World Problems" are a bit out of my control, and I try to focus on what I Can do. I really like to give blood, for instance, because I see all of the wusses in my place of employment that won't give :-) It does not hurt, only takes about 30 minutes, saves countless lives and they come to my office. What a deal :-) My new company has a charity group that helps rebuild various community centers in need of repairs and many other similar projects in low income areas. This is great too... I like to build/repair things, my company plans and organizes the day, it does not take away time from my family (Weekday), and I don't get calls from them wanting more, more, more, like churches (Sorry) I know many churches to wonderful things for all the right reasons, but If I help they will want more than I can give. I can get easily guilted into over committing my time and I don't have time to get all my stuff done on a good day.

It's funny you mention Agitation Radio and Hell's Kitchen, because I HATE hearing people talking over each other and ranting and raving. That Chaos makes me crazy. My example is "The View"... They get so loud and all talk at the same time, won't let anyone finish what they are saying, and I can't hear anything they are trying To Say because of this. I listen to music to decompress and to lifter out the noise. I think it "Might" have something to do with the fact that "I" can talk over and interrupt because I have a difficult time knowing when my turn is :-) It's so frustrating... I know it annoying to those that get interrupted, but I don't mean too.

I wish I could help the world more, so I try to do a few things that I know I can complete :-)

Happy New Year! 

To Surser04

If I didn't know better, I would swear you were married to my husband.  I would love to 'chat' with you and know how you are doing now 3 years later.  I tried to send a personal message but maybe you don't have the option turned on.  I think I do, so if you would like to correspond, please contact me.