This will be really detailed story, but I think all of it is relevant.
I need help, cause I've never been so confused about a guy and what to do... :(
So... New guy. First two weeks head over heels for me, makes future plans (lets move in, babies, road trips, (ok jokes but still too soon)) In that time he forgets two times our plans which He made. Needless to say, still calls everyday, texts, emojis, plans. At that time I'm still not aware of ADHD nor that he had it (it was still naughty boy disease to me, you know how most ppl see it) So I told him it bothered me but forgave him (That's when the guilt started maybe)
So after 2 intense weeks we kinda slept, and then he goes out of town for a weekend - 4 days no contact, no reply to my message even when he came back. After every day in contact, now 4 days Nc. So... I lost my shit (worst case scenario - he doesn't want me anymore // apparently I'm a girl type low energy adhd, before that I thought I'm bipolar, but since I do readings...well that's why we felt connection I guess)
I called him, almost midnight, woke him up, says He "didn't see mssg, call me back in 10min" and shuts down his phone when I did. I flipped and wrote him huge, worst mssg ever (my bad, my bad). Only 15h after he read it, he blocks me on Whapp, then I apologize on Fb with even bigger mssg. "I knew I messed it for good, no guy wants drama queen, okay, you don't have to say anything..etc etc."
But he says I'll call you tomorrow. Doesn't call for 10 days. On 10th day I found my study papers on Pedagogy (i have exam in 10 days, should've had it year ago, damn;)), with adhd part, which did cross my mind earlier because he's touching everything, bites (me for most, to "mark his territory") ...and that's when it all made perfect sense - even his electric blue eyes. Plus snowboarding (adrenaline sports), drug abuse, all kind of addictions, hyperfocusing... And that's when I just asked him to grab a beer with me (it was 2am, didn't know actually why, as he obviously didn't want me anymore, but I'm not used to things end so abruptly in radio silence. I wanted that closure beer I guess...)
So he says Okay, we met, and got sooo honest. I told him about my sort of depression (I asked him Do you listen to Hendrix? -Yes - Well you know his song Manic depression..? Haha // at that time I still didnt know I was adhd too, and now I understand all, cause I was never so Sad, just "hard to entertain" and therefore sad)
He asked me (this I see important somehow) would I reach out even if I hadn't been reading on adhd (My God he was the one who said he'll call and haven't).
He got honest about his past. He said 2 weeks before we met he broke engages with his gf who prior to that lost a baby in 5th month:( And in previous relationship gf who lived w/ him cheated, so he is really sooo afraid of attachment. But want us to go slow, building this etc. and apologizes for coming on so strong. So instead of a goodbye beer, for which he "had an hour" at first, he didn't seem to be over, after the conversation he was "in" again (seemed he's never been out), and literally cleaned his whole day schedule to spend it with me. His eyes got electric again. After 8 hrs we were drunk in his friends bar having fun, and, althought he told me we can build it even without sex at first, he wanted me to go to an appartment with him (his mother wouldn't be happy if he brought me home after recent events // and speaking of his mother, he was telling Her of Me on the phone that night) I didn't want to go, I was tired, and had to go home as my mother was worried, my phone was off. When we were waiting for a cab, he asked me why do I even want him, that he's average and not even so handsome. (He is almost shorter than me, petite, has crappy job at the moment etc. (all of which I dont care for), and I'm like a jackpot for him (to be honest just for perspective of the situation, it's how the world sees me, I don't)
So after that night it was three weeks, nobody contacted nobody... He said he's changing the roof with his dad (he said it 3 times), but still c'mon...
Yesterday I contacted him to see me, as I had some thing to do in his neighbourhood, he said Okay, but in a cold way, and we sceduled time, but I was done earlier with my appointment, so he told me "Let's meet tomorrow so I don't fuck up again!" (He was gonna be late) At first I thought it's cute that he's honest and knows he's fucked up lots of times, but then I saw word "tomorrow" and it made me sick, as for him tomorrow means never... :(
Additional info: In two weeks I'm going to an island to work during the summer, it's an Ibiza-like island, and he always makes a face when I talk about it... Maybe it's part of the problem, I don't know...
I'm SO sorry for such a long and detailed story but I need help cause I'm so clueless about how to deal with it, but don't wanna just leave it, I wanna know what's going on. As I'm quite sure he won't contact me, am I losing too much dignity if I text him again today... I'm really not used to going after a guy, cause I always thought it's black and white, he either wants me or not, but now that I read all those stories here on the forum...
and THANK YOU for reading and for any help or insight...