Hi there! I'm new to this forum and just thought I'd post an introduction. I have been with my husband for 16 years (married 7). We have 2 beautiful children - a 2 year old and we just welcomed our daughter into the world about 3 weeks ago. I don't really know where to begin to tell you about our story. We met in university and we've been inseparable ever since. We've struggled through university, struggled over jobs (he's lost 2 and is now self employed). We are negotiating the tricky landscape of daily household chores, maintaining consistency in our parenting styles, managing finances, and trying to lead fulfilling lives.
I'd like to take you back 4 years ago when we read Driven to Distraction together and realized that some of the stories were echos of our own experiences. In particular, some of the writings of the non-add spouses hit home with me. Their frustration, sadness, as well as their joy was comparable to my experience with my husband. It still took him another 6 months to make an appointment with a specialist to be diagnosed. After we had our "a-ha" moment I felt depressed for a little while because I realized that ADD is something we will always struggle with and that it was not something that we could "fix".
Since then, we've been through various medications and their inevitable effects on his mood. The biggest change that I've made in myself is how much responsibility I take on. While we were living with un-medicated ADD, I took on virtually all responsibility in our relationship. I managed the household and finances. I was his constant cheerleader whenever he had a bad day at work and came home saying that "he just wished he could do better". I remember thinking to myself "why can't he just pay the bills?" and "for God's sake, just do it!!" I felt like his mother. After the diagnosis, I realized that I couldn't be responsible for him in this way and that I could only control my own behavior. We discuss his problems, concerns and issues, but I think we approach it differently now. I don't try to fix the issue myself, but we talk about ways he can try to resolve the issue and lay out a few courses of action he can try. I still bear a lot of responsibility, but in the constantly shifting world of ADD we are moving towards a more balanced relationship.
I found this website after surfing a few online forums. It's nice to have a site that provides some focus to marriage and relationships. What impressed me most, was that there are threads devoted to hope and joy. I'm here to gain insight, because although I have found some silver linings in those dark clouds, I still struggle. I'm looking forward to sharing some of my experiences as well as getting to know others here.