New here

Hi I'm new. I'm 40, dh is 44. We've been married for 15 years. We have 2 sons, 11 and 4. The first 3 years of marriage were bliss. Since then it's been a roller coaster. We separated for a year about 8 years into the marriage after (and during) his torrid affair with a coworker. The newness wore off and we got back together. One great year, we got unexpectedly pregnant and it's been downhill since. Dh lost job 4 years ago and hasn't had a real job since then.    


He has always had a drinking problem. I thought that was the reason for the laziness, irritability, and inappropriate relationships. He got sober after I again threatened divorce. While sobriety has helped in many areas, a lot of the behaviors, especially lying and taking the "easy out" in just about everything.  Again, I'm at the end of my rope. 

I posted about some problems on another relationship site and another poster suggested it might be adhd. I read Melissa's book and cried. It is my life. 

Husband agrees and has set an appt for eval in 2 weeks. The thing is, this looming diagnosis doesn't give me hope - it feels like a life sentence. He can't just "try more" and do better - it really is who he is.   I can't live like this forever.