I'm so glad to have found this place. I am 31 yrs old, married and have 3 kids, expecting #4. I just found out this year that I have ADD. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, as I don't have the money to get seen yet, but I know I would be diagnosed with no problem. I had always dismissed ADD as being a childhood condition that only really existed in people's heads. Then I heard a couple women talking about their ADD symptoms and it caused me to start thinking about it. I did lots of research and now I pretty much have an explanation for my entire child and adulthood. I have always wondered what's wrong with me, why I am so different and never fit in. I also have anxiety and I realize now that I have had it since at least my early teens, but I never knew that what I was experiencing was anxiety and panic attacks. It has kept me from doing so many things I have wanted to do. I always wondered why I never paid attention in school, why I was always daydreaming while people, including family and friends, were talking to me, why I felt like I could never do anything right, why I made such stupid and impulsive mistakes and couldn't seem to do what I knew was the "right" thing. When I graduated HS, I joined the Air Force. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn't imagine going to a college interview and the thought of the whole process scared me, but the military seemed easy. People would just be telling me what to do and that appealed to my need for structure. I served for 8 yrs and I did have some troubles that were caused by my ADD, but nothing too bad. I hated the mundane tasks, though. After having kids, I just wanted to be home with them. Finally, we reached the point where I was able to and my husband agreed, so I separated from the AF to stay home with my two kids and homeschool them. This was my dream, all I wanted! Yet, it was nothing like I thought it would be. I became depressed, I had trouble finding motivation to do the things I had been wanting to do, I could not stay organized or maintain any sense of structure, the mundane tasks around the house became unbearable, every little thing felt like climbing Mt. Everest. I felt like a failure and wondered how this could be what I wanted and I'm still not happy (I now know that this was most likely due to leaving the structure of the military and having to try to create my own structure, something that is extremely difficult for people with ADD).
Things got worse when my oldest child struggled with reading and writing. We went through many programs and many tears before we finally found out he has Dyslexia and ADD. My daughter also has Dyslexia and ADHD. I also now have a 2.5 yr old and, while he's too young to be diagnosed, he definitely has ADHD, without a doubt. He also has a speech delay (the first sign of Dyslexia, *sigh*) and is in speech/occupational therapy. To put the icing on the cake, I am 99.9% sure my husband also has ADHD, though he is adamant that he doesn't have it. We have been married for 11 yrs and it has been nothing but a rollercoster. I feel completely overwhelmed, though things are improving, just with the knowledge of what is going on in our family. I finally have answers! Knowledge is power. I even have answers for my parents and their behavior. The kids are diagnosed now and recently started meds for their ADHD and it has made a WORLD of difference. I can't believe the difference I notice on days that they miss their medication. Between the tutuoring for their dyslexia and the meds, things are finally moving forward and looking positive for them. I still feel overwhelmed and that increased when I found out that we're expecting child #4 (I'm 23 weeks now). I was in denial at first and it makes me feel a little guilty. All I could think is, ANOTHER child that's going to come into this mess and inherit all our problems?! But I know things will work out somehow, I am trying to develop some positive thinking habits because I have been feeling so negative lately. I know what we need, but it's just a matter of getting it. I know I need to be officially diagnosed and start meds, I know we need marital counseling, I know my husband needs to be on meds, too, but I just wish I could get through to him about his problems. He always has an excuse for everything. His job is the reason for his forgetfulness and busyness (he's a workaholic), I'm apparently the reason for his depression and insomnia (even though he's had the insomnia as long as we've known each other and has had a history of depression, but he blames it on me because I'm not affectionate enough), there's always an excuse but he doesn't want to get seen and "drugged". Apparently, I'm the one that needs to change and everything will just magically get better. We both get so distracted in our own worlds and we are both horrible at communicating. Anyways, that's all a discussion for a different topic, but I just wanted to give a view of my life. I'm so desperate for help, that I'm saving every little bit of money I can for me (and hopefully my husband) to get counseling. It seems like everything is stacked against me and my family. I'm still having a hard time coming to terms that I have a lifelong condition that can only be managed, but not cured, and now it has been passed on to my kids for them to struggle with all their lives. I can say that I will do my best to make sure they are well informed and knowledgeable, so hopefully they don't have to go through what their father and I have had to go through all our lives. It sucks, it really does. ADHD is a curse that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.
I am looking forward to reading through the forum here and gaining some wisdom on how to cope with all of this.