I don't know if there is deeper trouble in my marriage or if there's something I'm not seeing because of my ADD. I'm a wife and stay at home mom to a 3.5 year old son, take Adderall daily for several years, have many of the usual issues: high intelligence coupled with low achievement, trying really hard yet not always managing. I developed a number of coping skills beginning in childhood that allow me to be quite competent, and I've worked hard at managing my emotions, although I've never been the dramatic type. I used to give in much more often to impulsive behavior, meds and motherhood have really helped with that, as well as maturity. Overall, I think I'm okay most of the time, but could do better. I'm working on it though so I usually feel okay.
Not feeling okay about my marriage though! After reading some of the forums on here I see that I am a rarity in that I take care of everything for our house and family. My husband is a very involved and loving father who does the majority of the childcare when he's home so that's not a problem at all, and he does sometimes help out with cooking and dishes. I have no problem with being the primary housekeeper as I'm the one at home all day and I have higher standards anyway! The problem is that my husband feels like having another child. To me, it seems like he doesn't care about any of the "adult" things. I take care of all bill paying, account managing (retirement, etc.), insurances, taxes, have to make a will yet and get other things set up for our son, dealing with realtor (selling old home) and banks (looking to buy soon in new community, or at least I am!), and the list goes on and on. It's not so much that I make calls or fill out paperwork, it's that I have NO input from him. He's living as if he were a teenager in his parents' home. I know I enable him by doing all this, but with my son's welfare at stake I will get it done. My son isn't suffering, but our marriage is.
My husband knows I have ADD, I've told him how hard these things are for me, I've brought him books to read, suggested sites to view (to my knowledge he read a couple chapters of one book). I've asked that he check up on me to make sure things are done and initiate tasks, especially ones that involve partners like making a will and getting a trust set up for our son. I've asked that he literally give me assignments to help me manage my time better! I feel as though I am shortchanging everyone because I don't have enough time to get everything done. There's lots of things I want to do with my life, but I can't get to because I feel such immense pressure. My husband has an excellent, very responsible job. I just can't believe he could be like this at work and still have a job so I don't know what to think. He makes an excellent salary as well, with full benefits, so it's not as if the lack of money is causing him to avoid these family business issues. Do other wives handle all these things without a problem and I have such a hard time because I haven't fully dealt with my ADD?
I think I sound whiny and ungrateful, but I feel alone and sad without a partner. I don't expect him to solve my ADD problems, but am I asking the wrong thing or too much?