New here and NEED SUPPORT

I'm very frustrated today and seems the frustration waxes and wanes as far as I am able to keep track of everything as I am just one person.  But Im floundering, my job is not 100% my home is not given 100% and my kids dont always get it because Im doing EVERYTHING ELSE!



Me: Type A personality, driven, fairly successful.   Committed Christian.

Went from full time to part time (well70%) when #2 was born because I wanted more time with kids but also because I COULD BOT handle home and ds working full time. largely due to DH

Hubby: Creative type, took a long time to settle on a career, doing well in it, Dx with ADHD last year.  Sent him to Psych 4 years ago and misdiagnosed, 4 wasted years of meds and no change because DH would not change doctors.  committed Christian.

We have been married 6 years and have 2 young children (almost 4 and 18 mo). Trying r another (shakes head)

So I need opinions and suggestions.  Our home works well when either I do everything and eave DH to do what he remembers to do.  Our home works ok when I ask him everything, remind him, text hime and remind again.  TH​IS Is EMOTIONALLY DRAINING ME!

I mean he is on meds why cant they improve his memory? Why should I have to ask or remind when we eat dinner, when the kitchen needs cleaning when it is time for the kds to go to bed? Surre he helps but WHY must all of everything be on my shoulder?  ADHD just seems like an excuse to be lazy or say its ok you forgot, AGAIN.

(this form is autosaving every 5 seconds and is messing up my spelling and space so SORRY for the incorrect grammar!) I cnt correct, don't know why)

SO I need support from those who have gone before me. How to I respect my husband and not stay so 110% overwhelmed with everything? How do I not destroy our marriage because Im so angry when he forgets. Im angry I have to tell him basic things. Divorce is not an option as we married for life. So it looks like ALL the adjustments have to come from ME since I dont have ADHD.  

How do I not get angry when he blows off a forgetful moment as "no big deal.' I mean if I am the most important person in his life behind God then shouldn't his word mean something? If I ask him to go get the baby a haircut and he forgets why not remedy it>?  Why make the other thing you ok him off to do not more important so who cares that I asked him he will do it later. sure a haircut is no big deal but thats NOT THE POINT.  I asked him to do it and he said he would. period.

Does ADHD really render you incapable of keeping your word ? incapable of remembering day to day tasks. No one reminds me the bathroom needs to be cleaned the kids need to be bathed, which diapers we use at night so why do I have to tell every basic part of life to a grown, intelligent man? Who does well at his job! isnt his family just as important?

WOW I better stop now Im just upset and feel terribly alone. I cant talk to anyone because I feel it is important not to bad mouth him to friends or family.  and I'm sorry about all the errors I really cannot corect