I admit, if I had known anything at all about adult ADHD in my husband, prior to marrying him I would have researched and known what I was in for, and surely headed for the hills!
But I didn't. I had no idea that my dh had been diagnosed as a child, and has lived his entire adult life not even acknowledging he still has it, and didn't tell me anything. I was so unfamiliar with ADHD, except that children are diagnosed for this or ADD, thought they outgrew it.
WELL! Shame on me, I married him after meeting and falling madly in love, and a short, 6 month relationship. Everything I have read, all of the signs, characteristics, and behavior of adult ADHD is him, all of them, looks like he has it in full form.
Depression, dramatic unprovoked mood swings, hyperfocuses, lacks focus, he lies, he loses things, he has a very fast temper and anger, low self-esteem, feels underachieved, loses things, spends money frivilously yet can't account for where he spent it, our communication is zero, unless of course I 'reel him in' with my calm talk and digging to get anything out of him, we go noplace together, haven't been in the same car for at least the past year, we have separate bedrooms, I am lonely and feel empty, he's like a duracell bunny, just can't even sit down and chat or anything, he stands to eat nearly all of the time, morning, lunch at work, most dinners we eat separately because I can't eat fast at 10 or 11 at night, when he finally comes in from the basement (his mancave) showers then grabs a bite and goes to bed.
He usually sleeps no more than 5 hours a night, is a light sleeper and tells me sometimes he lays there for hours wide awake.
Other times randomly he goes to bed at 8 and sleeps until 5 am for work, usually a few days in a row he does this, then back to his 4-5 hour sleep.
He doesn't listen or hear me, he forgets constantly, he lies about having made an appt to see a dr about getting help, this last time I asked him if he had called to make an appt, he said yes I did, I asked okay when is it, he said he couldn't get in until the 23rd, okay, that works. Good. Calendar shows the 23rd is a Sunday. The morning of the 23rd I said thanks for that, I appreciate the lie, he just dismisses it and heads to the basement.
So much more involved, it's awful. So I find this site and needing to vent. Where do I begin, or when do I just walk away. I already know I'm in for a lot of work, will it be one-sided, likely, which means I'm wasting my time on a man who has no desire to get help, he doesn't want to admit he has issues and is killing our marriage after only 4 years.
Now I know why the honeymoon was over after a few weeks of being married. Weird........
For the past 2 years he has gone fishing nearly every single day, I mean...who does that?!. Yet if I ask him if he loves me, he says he does, and has since the first day we met, and always will.
So that's what keeps me here, but I am too old and tired to go through all of this, mid 50's and I just wanted to be content with a partner, a friend I could trust and count on.
I'm so discouraged now, tired of my life, and can't fix another's life, I wouldn't know where to begin.....