I am new here and stumbled across this site while searching for answers or help for my failing marriage, it seems that my story is quite similar to some here so I figured reaching out is worth a shot, I have nothing to lose! I am sorry in advance if this is long but being new here, I have a story to tell.
I am 37 and have been with my husband for 16 years, married now for 1 and we have 4 kids that range in age from 5 to 15. I love my husband and love our family but I am hanging by a thread. Smiling to the outside world but dying inside myself. My husband was diagnosed with ADD and took medication for a few months and decided it wasn't "working" for him. I had no idea that his ADD could have this effect on our relationship...I thought maybe he had a personality disorder or something else and the ADD was the least of our worries as a couple....after reading here I may have been very wrong. So I will try to list/explain some things that go on in my home. Horrible mood swings, one minute to the next I don't know what or who I will get. And when I ask him why he is so cranky he gets extremely defensive, raises his voice and sternly says he is NOT cranky. Sometimes if I am foolish enough to engage...this whole yes you are, no I'm not thing can go on for an eternity which will usually end up with maybe he is cranky because I am bothering him about being cranky so now were left with a which came first...the chicken or the egg situation. I could and have argued that he exhibited signs of crankiness first, hence my asking/bothering, but all this becomes very juvenile and distracting as now we are no longer even arguing about what transpired originally. This scene is very common in my home. Also very common in my home is the inability to be wrong or sorry. Like a few I read here I have told my husband a million times, when you do/say something wrong, you simply correct yourself and say sorry and we will move on. The few times he actually tried that I made sure to react accordingly to encourage such behavior but it never lasts long, he will always revert to his real self. And now quite frankly I am resentful because I feel like his mother, I have little ones who I am still teaching things like saying sorry when you're wrong, do I really have or want to spend my life teaching such simple things to my husband? In any event it usually goes like this....I make the mistake of asking a seemingly simple and harmless question like...honey why did you turn off the coffee, I am still drinking it? Now I assume in a normal marriage/household the spouse will answer with something like...oh I didn't know you were still drinking it, I'm sorry....I get a sharp I didn't turn off your coffee....I reply with um yea you did....NO I didn't he says sternly....we now go a few rounds of yes you did, no I didn't....leading to him saying things like everytime something is wrong around here its always me, never you but always me, everything I do is wrong...etc. I have tried to stay calm and explain that it's not life or death, it's coffee....I can turn it back on. He still persists, I didn't do it, I didn't do it much like a child. It can take anywhere from 45 minutes to a few DAYS for him to say something like...you know what now I remember turning off the coffee, I'm sorry. But after hours or days of his rage over being falsely accused of something he knew he did I'm usually not much in the mood for sorry's and make-up kisses. I usually just say fine, that's fine. He mumbles things under his breath and when I ask...did you just say this is bullshit? Again with the rage of NOOO I DIDN'T....sometimes he will make up something random like I said this just don't fit, I was talking about my sweater! I am lying on him, accusing him, blaming him and he is sick of my shit.....and as usual 45 mins. to 3 days later it is...yea I said this is bullshit, I'm sorry...I don't know why I do this. He says this often, he doesn't know why he does these things or acts this way. He doesn't pay much attention to me, does not like talking or listening, loves watching t.v, it's a chore to get him to take me out because he forgets or something and when he finally says fine honey lets go out tomorrow....by then I usually say no thank you. He apologizes regularly for being "lazy" as a husband and not showing me love, attention and affection, talks about how foolish he is and tells me how he will stop that....well we have this conversation once a month or so....I assume that would suggest that he has not changed anything. We have the EXACT same arguments regularly almost like clockwork and every time he manages to act like it's the first time this issue is being discussed.....I am completely baffled and do not know what to do anymore! I am alone, lonely, depressed and now have anxiety to add to the list of things wrong with me now....is there hope/help out there? Is this a result of his ADD? I know he sounds like a monster here and at times he really is....but I swear his core is good, he is a good person....he really is.....but at times he is typical of what I have read here, forgetful, unattentive, moody and sometimes mean.