New here, at a loss...

Hi, fairly new here.  I recently rediscovered this site in an attempt to figure out what is going on with my marriage.

My husband and I have been together for 9 years now, married for 6.  When we were dating he told me that he was diagnosed ADHD as a child, but I never thought anything of it. I was pretty young when we met (I 20, he 30), and never had any experience with ADHD other than knowing that kids were sometimes prescribed Ritalin for it.  Things were pretty good for quite a few years.  We hardly ever fought, I was the organizational person and loved planning trips, etc. and liked that he brought the spontaneous side out in me.  Shortly after we got married, things started to change slowly, then drastically when he decided to go back to school to change careers about a year into our marriage.  He would get so stressed out about school, to the point where he quit his job because he "couldn't" work while also going to school.  This stress would come out in the form of yelling, picking fights, and just generally being rude to me.  I couldn't understand why he was being like this especially since I was able to work full time and go to school full time while we were dating without blowing up in his face every day.  Things have just continued to get worse from there, and it's been almost 5 years since he started school now.  We have been through a lot in the last 5 years:  bankruptcy (my first, his 2nd from a previous marriage), living with family due to financial hardship (not great for even the best of marriages), unemployment, the start and dissolution of a business, pregnancy 

Hi.  Welcome to the site but

Hi.  Welcome to the site but sorry you have to be here!  Here are some of Melissa Orlov's blog posts that you might find especially helpful (you can find these within the category of Melissa's favorite posts, in the blog categories box on the right side of the page).

ADHD and Marriage: Getting Past Denial

Six Signs that ADHD May be Part of Your Marriage

For Men With ADHD WHo Aren't Convinced it Matters

I've also found Daniel Amen's books to be helpful.  He has something to "sell" (SPECT, a technology for examining brains), but he doesn't say that everyone needs one of these exams.  His theory is that there are different types of AD(H)D, with some differing symptoms, depending on the parts of the individual's brain that are involved in the dysfunctional behavior.