Hi. I've been reading this forum for awhile. Finally decided to register and submit a post. Like many others it seems, I am at my wit's end. Please forgive what follows.
My husband has ADHD and takes medication, but I don't think it is working. Or maybe it is and he would be even worse without it. I don't know. He also self medicates with alcohol and other substances, which is intolerable for me. I think at this point, I just want a divorce because nothing else is working. He has been out of work for a year and a half. He is educated, with a graduate degree from an Ivy League university -- so I know he can focus when he wants to do so. He is "dabbling" at looking for a job. Occasionally he comes up with a crazy idea that he is going to run a business -- of course, there is no actual business idea to speak off -- or worse, to run the business remotely from some foreign country. I don't even know how to respond to that.
He has a hobby that is very expensive and will use a credit card that he got in his own name to buy things for that. I've since destroyed the credit card and moved most of our money into an account that he does not have access to -- I hate doing this because it feels so controlling but my salary is just enough to cover the mortgage and other bills, and I'm just trying to prevent financial ruin and ensure there are funds to pay bills. He has created absolute chaos in our lives with this hobby by acquiring many things related to it and having many unfinished projects hanging over us. I have tried to help him multiple times to get these projects done -- paying people to assist and helping myself as well -- but nothing seems to work. He is burying us.
Things exploded last night when once again my frustration with the situation became too much for me to handle. I have started to feel ill from the situation with many stress-related ailments. He blames me for everything that is wrong in his life and says he has no support, which is not true at all. I have suggested so many things over the years -- including an ADHD coach, other therapy, trying to reduce the amount of projects, etc. I have taken many weekends to sort through his papers and things to organize them. I have set up systems to try and help. I've bought open shelves and labeled things so he can easily find and put things away. No matter what I do, it always reverts to complete chaos.
We have been married for many years and the lawyer that I consulted thinks I will have to take care of him financially until he is 65. I am really struggling with that because I don't see how it is possible for me to pay for two households when my salary alone barely covers one. I honestly don't know how I will be able to live. I am so tired of taking care of a 50 plus year old child.
I feel very stuck and hopeless. I do still love him, but I hate being married to him. My anger, frustration and resentment is eating me alive. We no longer have any physical relationship because I cannot force myself to do something I hate. He makes snide comments about this from time to time and it makes me feel guilty and sad.
I'm not sure if there is a point to this post. Just looking for some support I guess.